It seems the Green Party is getting a celebrity candidate in Roseanne Barr, as she decided to seek the presidential nomination this week announcing on Thursday that she would begin the arduous process of getting on the ballot across the nation (or at least the arduous process of announcing her intentions).
Here’s a snippet from the official announcement from Barr (read the whole thing, chock full of unfiltered unelectable hilarity, that goes on and on and on and on):
My Platform is Three fold, and will result in world peace within one year:
STEP ONE: MAKE WAR ILLEGAL, AND LEGALIZE HEMP
allow women to grow it and to make food clothing shelter and fuel from it for pennies. And legalize marijuana too, and let women integrate their divided consciousness with a natural herb instead of doctor’s pills which destroy the liver. End the War on drugs. this will take the potheads and non-violent drug users out of prisons, where you can get drugs anyway, thereby making room for the violent offenders and the real criminals–the actual threats to world peace.
STEP TWO: CHANGE THE DEMOGRAPHICS OF GOVERNMENT:
Since women make up 53% of the population, as well as the work force, a MINIMUM of Green Tea Party leadership will be female, and given that one in six Americans lives in poverty, at least one sixth of the party’s officials will officially be poor (since generations of rich guys running things has only gotten us here). As Congress people and senators, they will be able to become rich enough to eradicate their own poverty for generations, as well as that of those they represent simply by having access to public policy that decides where public money goes. They will simply direct public money TO THE PUBLIC, a novel idea and something which is not being done at all, ever. A small grant of 1500 dollars can enable a poor woman to start a business that can create wealth and jobs for as many as ten other people within two years.
Poor women know how to get things done well, and on the cheap. They know how to stretch that dollar.
In American, for speaking truth, women are called Bitches. I seek for next Mother’s Day, a march of One Million American Bitches who can get the job done–the job of getting the food to the hungry kids in this country and thereby creating real wealth, as well as saving our rich American friends and neighbors from going straight to hell and burning there for all of eternity. This is just one of my righteous spiritual goals and solutions to the real problems in America!
STEP THREE: (MOST IMPORTANT) I WILL OUTLAW BULLSHIT:
After the passage of this one law, the Patriarchy will inevitably begin to crumble, as will the concept of War itself, which is largely a large load of bullshit.
There’s a LOT more, including “THE NECESSARY RE-EDUCATION CAMPS” that do not sound very fun, or even slightly constitutional.
Worth an estimated $42 million according to a November TMZ article about some legal mess, I can easily see Barr making for an interesting campaign sideshow in the coming weeks if she has a savvy political/press team already fired up. She’s already put marijuana legalization at the forefront of her campaign and taken at least one nasty swipe at Ron Paul (and several at libertarians) on her twitter account:
The 2012 Green Party convention will take place in Baltimore, Maryland in July.
So what do you think, America? Is is good to see a longtime political critic emerge from Hollywood to help split the left-wingers without a clue away from Obama come November? Or will the media hyenas move in for the predictable commentary overkill on her waist size, and to ask her just how much of the green she’s been smoking recently?