Nancy Grace can’t dance or dress

I typically don’t give Nancy Grace the media attention she so famously wants, but I will weigh in since I live in a house where Dancing With The Stars (or as we not so generously refer to it: Dancing With The Tards) is religiously watched. Because of this, I of course get the dirt on any massive faux pas from the show before the regular media wake up to fresh scandal.

If you were watching tonight, you may remember the rehearsal scenes where Grace pouted by the window, or pouted in the arms of her dance partner Tristan MacManus, or pouted when you know… things started to look more like actual work and less like sitting around on a TV set bitching about some crazy mom murdering their daughter.

But what you may not remember — if you were so cornered like me into watching this travesty of Nancy Grace “dancing” (it resembled something more like a lot of bouncing around, wildly kicking her feet up, yet lacking of any semblance of rhythm) — was the rather unceremonious cutaway to the audience before the end, presumably to give some reaction shots. Funny enough though, to portions of the audience that were not applauding. Woops, ABC cares.

That swift cutaway was because of an eye-scarring wardrobe malfunction that partially exposed Grace’s nipple.

UPDATE WED SEP 28: It’s come to my attention that Nancy Grace is actually denying this took place, in no less than an Eric Cartmanesque feat of mental gymnastics.

She’s somehow contending that what everyone saw was a pastie or “jiggling”. Well color me blind, but unless it was a pastie designed to look exactly like a nipple, then Nancy Grace is a big fat brown-nippled liar.

UPDATE THU SEP 29: The lady doth protest too much. Grace has tweeted a picture of Breast Petals, we checked out the alleged product and compared it to the high-definition video Hammer of Truth obtained of DTWS (oh lord, help mine eyes). Our analysis stands, this was real nip… and we’re also now keen on her new-found attempt at milking NippleGate for all the attention it will garner her. She’s even slyly claiming that those obvious hair extensions are also hers (in the most clever legal sense, of course).

Tom Bergeron probably takes the cake for best response, telling Wetpaint Entertainment, “It would be ungentlemanly of me to say anything different than what Nancy believes happened. How’s that for an answer, huh? It kind of gives you the answer with a little bit of a dodge, but not really.”

Classy truth, “what Nancy believes.” Go ahead and just let that sink in. [h/T TWoP forums]

Our advice to Grace: stop with all the lying, we are now done dry-heaving for the third day in a row and we’d like you to stop conniving us into verifying that: “yes indeed, it’s a nipple.” Thanks so much. /UPDATES

NSFW pic, after the jump. You can’t unsee this, you’ve been warned:

Here’s some eye bleach to help get you through this.

Dancing With The Stars Season 13 Episode 2 Live Recap 9/26/11 [earsucker]
Nancy Grace Suffers Major Wardrobe Malfunction on DWTS [Gawker]
Gently rinse out your eyes with the refreshing images [Eye Bleach]

Stephen VanDyke

I've published HoT along with about 300+ friends since 2002. We're all Americans who are snarky and love our country. I'm a libertarian that registered Republican because I like to win elections. That's pretty much it.

  1. She can’t dance; and the wig was awful and so obvious. She wants to win but it ain’t going to happen.
    Ricki Lake might have a chance!

      1. Damn thats a nice nipple. Wish she would show the both in full! Something about her makes my groins stir. I’d hit it!

      2. Who cares if Tacky66 can danve or not. They aren’t on the show, Nancy is and she’s a horrid dancer.

    1.  between your name and the ricki lake comment, looks like we found the resident trailer living, jerry springer watching barfly…helpful hint of the day: don’t bleech your hair until it’s all crispy and breaking at the root… not a good look.

  2. I say she has a “mean nipple” any woman should be proud of…I love Nancy Grace…be fair to her on DWTS…so far I do not think she has been treated fair.

    1. I’m being fair, she pouted during practice and that lack of effort showed through in the routine. Even the pro (Tristan MacManus) was like, “okay, I guess I’ll just be nice. I gotta pay my rent and this lady isn’t worth the hassle.”

      She’s really very well practiced in being whiny and pouting though, I’ll giver her that. Unfortunately that did not translate into any magic dancing abilities.

  3. As a professional dancer and teacher for the last 17 years I can tell you Nancy has a very long way to go. She is no where near where she needs to be to win this title. Nor do I think she’ll ever be ready. It’s almost painful to watch. As for the nipple she says they were pasteys. Whatever, point is they need to put her in much more supportive costumes. I hate watching her breasts bonuce up and down, they look like they are about to knock her out. I’m sure she’s very sore by the end of the night and that’s a shame when it could be fixed easily. The wig was horrible, the dancing was horrid, the wardrobe malfunction was nasty. I hope people vote her off soon.

  4. Yeah, it’s quite the large protuberance, very tender and soft looking… maybe next time we’ll get a pookie peek.

  5. i am not oil painting but i always thought she was kind of hot but she looks very flabby and  those boobs are popping out from a too small bra… stick to the law…

  6. “I hate watching her breasts bonuce up and down” – That’s the most gay thing a man can say. Go get the sex change already man. From what I’ve heard (European, so I don’t really give a f#ck) she’s quite a bitch, but hey, those tits rock. And if any of you would’ve held a pair in real life you’d know that they’re just pressed up and she doesn’t have pancake areola. Those tits rock and she’s totally hot for her age.