On September 22, a Thursday, from 9PM to 11PM EST
all most of the GOP presidential candidates who declared their candidacies were invited to a forum in Florida to air their grievances about Obama and the economy under the pretense of debate. Here are my LIVEBLOGGED REACTIONS (reverse chronology):
Shit like this at 3:15AM You know you done wrong Google/FoxNews:
11:44PM Ron Paul Flix busts out the highlight reel in record time. All six questions.
11:25PM via Judy Morris, the question countdown:
One of my FB friends timed the speaking. Tonight: The opportunity FOX allowed each candidate to speak:
Romney – 16
Perry – 11
Bachmann – 9
Huntsman – 9
Santorum – 9
Gingrich – 7
Cain – 7
Paul – 6
Johnson – 5
Even with Google splashing their logo on things, the debates are still an uneven match. Here’s your pudding!
11:15PM Best loaded poll of the night… we’re done… post-analysis from Fox is derping too hard now.
10:54PM Great question from Youtube: Darrel Owens asks them to pick their running mate pair-ups (AS A GAME)… here we go: BIG FINALE!!!!
Johnson picks Paul
Santorum picks Gingrich
Gingrich says FuckoffIhateyourquestionlolz crowd laughs
Paul says Inappropriatetooearlyrespectfullydecline crowd cheers
Perry picks CainGingrichFrankenmorph
Romney steals Gingrich’s FuckoffIhateyourquestionlolz
Bachmann gives Longwindednonanswer
Cain picks Romney then Gingrich
Huntsman picks Cain
10:42PM Ron Paul gets woops and applause. Blames the Fed, everyone on stage repeating what he already said what he’s been saying for years.
Gingrich gets surprise cheers, somehow people have forgotten what a skeezy guy he is. Santorum talks fast and squanders his time. Polite cheers.
Johnson makes joke about his neighbor’s dogs shitting making more shovel-ready jobs than Obama… LOOOOOOOOL
10:38PM Huntsman said Boone Pickens! I remember those commercials! Cain said 999 again. People still aren’t Googling it. Bachmann’s whiny voice reminds me too much of Hillary Clinton. Romney loves America, derp a derrrr! Perry loves America, hates job killers, loves corporations, hates taxes. America working again! Sure Mr. 1% growth.
10:35PM Ron Paul has the most views on Youtube, no surprise. Somehow FOX tries to make hay out of how many videos are made. More videos ≠ more views.
10:30PM ROMNEYCARE, Romney smirks too god damn much answering everything about his plan. Perry: Which Mitt Romney are we dealing with?
10:28PM Perry gets boos for weak response about opt-out for Texas Check Out Your Daughter’s Vagina Day. STDs are no joke, but Rick Perry’s response was.
Governor Perry will always “error on the side of life,” but his state has the highest execution rate….no “error on the side of life” there – Steve Ross, Cleveland
10:20PM Perry talking about his vast political connections with a snooty southern voice. Smooth.
10:18PM FOX trying to trip up Ron Paul with loaded abortion question, failing miserable.
10:11PM Johnson gets a chance to steal Paul’s thunder on Foreign Policy, get ready for another ONE-TWO…
Bachmann’s bitchy voice screeches “EXCUSE MEEEEE?” I think she weighed in…
Huntsman gives nice pablum on liberty and democracy shining beacon… he’s trying to hit the peace and prosperity tone. Everyone looks to Ron Paul…
Santorum gives in to the anti-war, of course he’s completely full of crap… Bachmann takes a second swing with a dog whistle call to dominionists…
10:09PM Gingrishhhh, please just stop pulling our patriotic heartstrings when we know you’re all for Americaaaaa, world policing.
10:02PM Okay I guess we’re doing foreign policy. Here comes the Iran nukes trap for Paul.
Romney throws out the elitist version of with us or against us, but we’re with Israel (and we have to hate Iran), not the other way around.
Cain pledges allegiance to Israel too. They should wear their flags or something.
Perry gets a curveball about Taliban, he pledges allegiance to India, but won’t sell them upgraded F-16s so not really a good allegiance.
Santorum is there to sell Iraq Iraq Iraq Iran… relationships with bombs! He’s talking so fast, so fast! There’s foam developing in the corner of his mouth.
BREAK OVERVIEW: MARRIAGE AND MARIJUANA: GET THE FEDS OUT OF BOTH. Commenter says Ron Paul will crush this out of the park… say WAAAAAAAAAA?
9:54PM: Illegal immigrations supposed to make us all hate brown people or something. PERRY WANTS TO INVADE TIJUANA! Santorum looks silly and effeminate next to Rick, which says a lot. Ron Paul says cut off the Fed money pumps, talks about money fleeing America again to a lot of nervous laughs.
9:50PM Are poor people without papers the problem in America? Big government seems to think so.
9:48PM Gingrich wants to give immigration databases to American Express? Say what?
9:39PM: X-Factor in the other room getting more cheers, even crappy first-time singers are loved more than politicos, there is hope for America yet, maybe. Ron Paul should rap or something…
Tired of the Perry/Romney bickering. You’re both wrong.
9:36ish Romney didn’t inhale. Man, I need a Youtube replay of that one, he looks incredibly stuttering and idiotic there.
Oh yes, we found it! Ramble much, Romney? Blah blah blah, inhale a big blunt full you prevaricating jackhole. Someone drug test Romney, SERIOUSLY!
9:28PM Infographs: Perry’s plan: listen to all of Ron Paul’s ideas, make them all radiculous and not knowing crap about the tenth amendment in his over-sized head, and say Texas a lot… all with a drawl.
DURING BREAK: Ron Paul dominating the foreign policy issue…
9:18PM Ron Paul/Gary Johnson give the libertarian ONE-TWO to loud cheers…
9 O’FROTHY: I think he said something I agreed with about not unionizing government employees. I had to clean out my ears for twelve minutes.
9:00PM EST: Hello America and internet readers from around the world. Let’s drink well rum and liveglug the presidential debates. What could go wrong? Lots of blackouts, that’s what!
PEOPLE DRESSED UP IN REVOLUTIONARY REGALIA… DRINK TWICE!