Capitol police “investigating the reporting” of the Onion

A fine waste of taxpayer dollars:

The “reporting” in question claims that a group of visiting schoolkids was taken hostage by a dozen members of Congress.

“…[So] far none of [the FBI snipers] has been able to get a clear shot at any senators or representatives,” according to a fake quote from a special agent.

It’s called satire. Investigation closed, dumbasses.

By “investigating the reporting” that just means some guy (or, ooh ooh, a blue ribbon committee) gets paid to sit around drinking coffee and munching on donuts while reading The Onion (presumably to ensure that no politically embarrassing lines are being crossed). Bring in a writer for questioning, maybe ask them what kind of music they listen to, what movies are they fans of, before throwing them on a watch list so the higher ups know you’re doing serious cop stuff. It’s the perfect hipster police job.

NBC-DC reports that “No one is currently answering the phone at a number provided by a public information officer with the Capitol Police.” I’m sure the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed individual who came up with this investigation at Capitol Police HQ will love to answer the press’ questions on why the Onion is being investigated for making funnies as this ridiculously true story makes its way to other satire writers.

This is local man, reporting live from a stack of servers on the Internet.

Stephen VanDyke

I've published HoT along with about 300+ friends since 2002. We're all Americans who are snarky and love our country. I'm a libertarian that registered Republican because I like to win elections. That's pretty much it.

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