The Great Islamofascist Penis Pump Conspiracy

pumpitup.gifWanna know how to tell when they’ve taken airport security precautions too seriously? It’s not the bottle of contraband nail polish they “stole” from my wife last weekend. It’s not even when they busted Rush Limbaugh for not being able to get it up without chemical enhancement. It’s penis pumps!

Fear of being caught with such a lethal device, according to this report, led the notorious culprit to confess to carrying a bomb. Here’s the down and dirty:

Cook County prosecutors say a 29-year-old man traveling with his mother desperately didn’t want her to know he’d packed a sexual aid for their trip to Turkey. So he told security it was a bomb, officials said.

Madin Azad Amin was stopped by officials on Aug. 16 after guards found an object in his baggage that resembled a grenade, prosecutors said.

When officers asked him to identify it, Amin said it was a bomb, said Cook County Assistant State’s Attorney Lorraine Scaduto.

He later told officials he’d lied about the item because his mother was nearby and he didn’t want her to hear that it was part of a penis pump, Scaduto said.

According to the article, Amin faces up to three years in prison if convicted. I guess that’s not too bad, as we will have been sentenced to eight years under the Bush regime by the time of the next Inaugural Ball.

Graphic courtesy of the Mayo Clinic this website.

Stephen Gordon

I like tasteful cigars, private property, American whiskey, fast cars, hot women, pre-bailout Jeeps, fine dining, worthwhile literature, low taxes, original music, personal privacy and self-defense rights -- but not necessarily in this order.

  1. It is unfortunate for the penis pump bomber that the one judge that specializes in penis pump cases is no longer dispensing juztiss from the bench.

    At least the guy’s mom was saved from the shame and humiliation of knowing her son is a … well, you know.

    The irony is that somewhere a kid is being busted for having a bong and he’s telling his mom it is actually a penis pump.

  2. Exchange between Mr. Amin and anonymous security person:

    Security: A bomb? A B O M B bomb?

    Mr. Amin: Yes sir.

    Security: Oh, I thought you said bong. if you had one of those things we’d really have to mess you up.

  3. Could pass for a weapon of mass destruction, well atleast for the chics he was going to terrorise in turkey!!!

  4. Think his mom found out?What an idiot.Does anyone know if it was a female security person who found it?If it was and it was me I would of said “Hey baby wanna check out…..

  5. The Up’s and Down’s of being a “Penis-Pump Bomber”.
    Looks like we got ourselves a ‘Mass-D-Bate’.

  6. The worse part of this is the judge did not just goof on the guy and dismiss the case. Whose the wack job in this case?

  7. This story demonstrates the absurdity that results from the lack of Arabic language ability in US law enforcement.

    I’ve studied several years of Arabic and lived in an Arabic speaking country for 7 years. The number one mistake Arabic speakers make when speaking English is to say the letter “b” instead of the letter “p.” This is because the Arabic language has no letter “p.” While the word “bomb” certainly may have come out of his mouth in response to the officer’s question, it was only because he actually was trying to say “pump.” It would be a real injustice and a testament to American ignorance if this man is convicted.

  8. Any news on My multiple emails on this topic, as well as my posts in the comments, have gone unanswered.

  9. I too got a few responses, months ago. In the past few months, any emails have gone unreturned. All article comments have gone ignored.

  10. Nicole, is this the case in Turkish, as well? Or do you know? You didn’t think they spoke Arabic in Turkey, did you? (Of course some peopel do, just as here…but the country does have its own language).

  11. Paulie — I’m no expert, but considering that Turkish & Arabic have similar roots… it’s likely.

  12. did a search at wikipedia, and failed to find the similar roots.

    There’s also dmoz, which characterizes Turkish as a sub-branch of Altaic languages, more closely related to Mongolian, Korean and Japanese than to Arabic, which is a branch of Semitic (which includes Aramaic and Hebrew) and a sub-branch of Afro-Asiatic languages such as Ethiopian, Maltese, Berber and Hausa.