The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight

“It’s not really a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender issue as much as it is a human rights issue. The right to defend is a basic human right.” — Andrew Greene

The Philadelphia Weekly title was so great I had to snag it. Their article about the Pink Pistols was even better. Here’s a sample:

The Pink Pistols advocate the use of firearms for self-protection, specifically among their target audience: the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community. The slogan of the loosely organized club-there’s no formal process to become a member-is rather blunt: Armed gays don’t get bashed.

“When friends find out I’m in this, they’re horrified,” says Greene’s 25-year-old straight roommate who asks not to be identified because he doesn’t want his co-workers to talk about him. He speaks softly in a high-pitched voice. A long blond ponytail sprouts from under his camouflage Winchester Rifle baseball cap.

“They think I’m a fascist, a warmonger,” he says.

Many of the Pink Pistols revel in their ability to live in two worlds that seem so ideologically divergent: the gun-loving NRA crowd and the queer community.

“They assume all of us must be Republicans,” says Gwen Patton, the international media spokesperson for the group and head of the Delaware Valley chapter. “Some of us love Bush, but that’s a whole different agenda.”

She deliberately pauses for a moment.

“And yes,” she says with a wry expression, “I meant that as a double entendre.”

Their shooting skills seem to be on par with their political leanings:

Once he’s in the actual range, he puts on a show. He struts with the Uzi, showing it off to others in nearby stalls, then he rests on one knee in his lane with his weapon at eye level. He hunches over his gun, exposing the back of his black Pink Pistols T-shirt, which reads, “Pick on someone your own caliber.” Then he rapidly fires a series of shots.

After a few more bursts he presses the target return button, collects his prize and then, like a first-grader with a good report card, holds the tattered target up to the window so waiting Pink Pistols can appreciate his talent.

Leber and Kriss nod, but Greene isn’t satisfied. He walks out of the lane, through the double doors, and holds the riddled target in front of their faces.

Six holes overlap in a tight 1-inch grouping.

Unlike some things libertarian, it’s not some pie-in-the-sky theory, but a very practical application of basic rights:

More than a decade ago, on a hot summer night, Greene was returning to his car after a night of partying at a Center City leather bar. Sporting a black leather vest, white T-shirt, jeans and leather boots, he headed east from 13th Street toward his car, which was parked in Queen Village.

A few blocks into his journey, four young adults began following him.

“Hey faggot!” Greene says the teens yelled.

Greene picked up the pace. He turned around at one point and saw that each of the thugs was waving a metal pipe as they continued barking at him.

When Greene, who says he hadn’t been drinking, finally arrived at his car, he reached into his pocket, pulled out his five-shot Smith & Wesson revolver, and aimed it at the hooligans.

“Holy shit! He’s got a gun!” Greene says the one of the teens yelled.

Then they ran off.

“This was a successful self-defense with a gun,” Greene says.

On second thought, perhaps Laura Bush has cause to not want a bunch of queers hanging around the White House. Thanks to Michael Nelson for the tip.

Stephen Gordon

I like tasteful cigars, private property, American whiskey, fast cars, hot women, pre-bailout Jeeps, fine dining, worthwhile literature, low taxes, original music, personal privacy and self-defense rights -- but not necessarily in this order.

9 Comments
  1. The Second Amendment is an individual right, not as the ACLU would have you believe that it is a collective right. That translates into anyone has a right to bear arms. Gays should be armed. They are targets of bigamists. Reports of gay beatings never go away. Hell, if they shot and killed some of those “macho” gay beaters, things would be different.

  2. Stephen V.

    Bigamists have always been gay bashers. They want all the women to themselves. They don’t want to share with other women. Just ask any traditional Morman. He will tell you there are not enough women to go around as it is now. Therefore, the very least a lesbian can do is arm herself as protection against traditional Morman bigamists.

    As for gay men, straight women get along very well with gay men as they know exactly where they stand. However, gay men are really competition to straight women because they are both after men and it may be the same man. It is imperative that all straight women arm themselves as defense against gay men.

    Gay men must arm themselves also. Since straight women are a threat to them and are armed, then they must also be on guard.

    Now that we have cleared the air, maybe everyone should be armed. I believe society would be much more polite and respect the space and individual rights of others.

  3. I’m with you on the part where everyone should be armed, the rest…

    …What the fuck?… do gay men have some magical power that makes straight men choose them over a woman? Do women have some mystical ability to turn a gay man straight. Fess up on what you know, you may have unlocked the secret of conversion that Pat Robertson can use in an evangelical fundraising telethon (“I heal you of homosexuality in the name of the Lord!”)

  4. By the way, if they possess this power, I think a loaded gun in their pocket may be the least of anyone’s worries…. umm.

    *ba-dum tsshhhh!*

  5. I’ve got to agree with a part of what Julian said. Here’s the Heinlein quote: “An armed society is a polite society.”

  6. I really don’t know what I think about this. A part of me understands why they want them. But do we want to arm people to protect themselves with firearms or do self defense training

  7. Jim

    Are you going to a gun and knife fight with just your black belt training? I’m showing up with a gun. All of you karate experts and knife wielding thugs will lose every time.

    Are you stupid or what? Where do you live? Must be NYC or San Francisco with that kind of rationale.