Template for Government Snooping News

This easily adaptable government snooping news template has me laughing (via Boing Boing):

Under a top secret program initiated by the Bush Administration after the Sept. 11 attacks, the [name of agency (FBI, CIA, NSA, etc.)] have been gathering a vast database of [type of records] involving United States citizens.

“This program is a vital tool in the fight against terrorism,” [Bush Administration official] said. “Without it, we would dangerously unsafe, and the terrorists would have probably killed you and every other American citizen.” The Bush Administration stated that the revelation of this program has severely compromised national security.

“This program is a threat to privacy and civil liberties,” [name of privacy advocate] said. But [name of spokesperson for Bush Administration] said: “This is a very limited program. It only contains detailed records about every American citizen. That’s all. It does not compromise civil liberties. We have a series of procedures in place to protect liberty.”

Extra points go to the first Reuters or AP journo to actually cut and paste this template into their next piece on the issue. It would be hella funny and would probably sneak by an editor with ease.

Stephen VanDyke

I've published HoT along with about 300+ friends since 2002. We're all Americans who are snarky and love our country. I'm a libertarian that registered Republican because I like to win elections. That's pretty much it.

  1. Great post! It won’t surprise me if this template could be used a few more times before the 2008 elections.

  2. Too bad it is grammatically incorrect. I suppose if you plagiarize from this, you deserve to look like a fool.

    “Without it, we would dangerously unsafe…”