Serving Straight Shots of American Politics

There should be a law about blogging while intoxicated. I’m not sure if the law should prohibit or mandate BUIs, but this is America so there simply has to be a law…

After reading the February GQ article (Great Britain version only, it seems — props) about comedic bad boy Doug Stanhope, I’m sure he’d make an argument that one shouldn’t blog with a blood alcohol content of less than .08% — anorexic teetotaling sorority girls notwithstanding. As the article had some insight on Hunter S. Thompson’s final goodbye, I found this the appropriate time to pour a tumbler of whiskey.

In addition to the Stanhope article, another of the libertarian comedic icons was just covered at Slate (props). According to Bryan Curtis:

In our conversation, Jillette felt moved to declare that he had devised a method by which to place every artist in human history into a matrix: separating those who had genuine skill, those who had genuine passion, and those rarefied geniuses who had both.

This got me to thinking. Thinking that it’s time to refill that tumbler and mix tenses (the latter being a bad habit of mine when BUI). While at the domestic refueling station, I started thinking of another recent GQ article I’d briefly covered: Trey Parker and Matt Stone. What do the people with genuine skill, genuine passion and libertarian roots have in common?

In addition to the aforementioned comedians, there are many others involved in the wilder side of show business who express strong libertarian sentiments. Despite his capitulation to John Kerry, Howard Stern certainly qualifies. If one were to incorporate the proper proportions of Dennis Miller and Bill Maher into one person, he’d be most of the way there. Aaron Russo has won his awards, shown his passion, and displayed his roots. Hunter S. Thompson died as he lived — in absolute freedom from all but himself. Reminds me, my whiskey glass is getting dry.

These people have managed to capture the minds and hearts of many Americans, but they’ve also pissed off more than their fair share of them. What do they have in common that works? They’re smart, funny, irreverent and totally free. James Dean with an IQ. A bit thought provoking, as Robert Chalmers provides:

“Cowardice”, Stanhope growled. “The ultimate act of cowardice is the fat-headed wrestling guy sitting behind the frail kid in maths class, clipping him on the ear, saying, ‘What are you going to do about that, faggot?’ That is cowardice. When the bullets start flying past that jock’s saucer-shaped ears, that’s not cowardice, that’s payback.”

Pictures of el presidente flashed through my head, but I’ll not detail them in order to avoid a Secret Service visit around 4AM.

Even Russo, the tamest of the bunch, can be incredibly irreverent. His Mad as Hell series served as the obvious prelude to Penn and Teller’s Bullshit. Having shared thousands of hours in the same vehicle, restaurant, home or hotel with Russo, I could write a novel merely about the Hollywood and rock-and-roll stories my road buddy let slip. A one page chart (with a couple of hundred pages of meaningless filler material) of the respective favorite sexual orifices of many of the show business elite would likely be enough to hit the NY Times list — should I ever find myself bankrupt, incarcerated, or incredibly bored with life.

From South Park’s dynamic duo (via Mickey Rapkin):

Who would you vote for in a governor’s race between Rob Reiner and Warren Beatty?

TP: Oh God. I really… wow. Oh, my God. That would just be the most brutal thing ever.

MS: I’d hope they’d get into a debate and they’d both explode. Rob Reiner seems like a fun-killer. He just likes to kill people’s fun. He supported a proposition in California that raised taxes on cigarettes. It’s like, Goddammit, quit killing everyone’s fun, Rob Reiner! There’s such a disconnect. It’s like, Dude, not everyone lives in fucking Malibu, and not everyone has a yacht. And some people like to have a fucking cigarette, dude. Leave them alone. I know you think you’re doing good, but relax.

That reminds me that Russo likes to rag me about my smoking habit. Yo, Aaron, I promise I’m quitting. Oops, dumped some ashes in my drink, and I ain’t that drunk yet. BRB.

The truisms which come from politically incorrect comedy suggest an answer to my drunken journalistic quest. Back to school shootings, Stanhope captures foreshadowings of my answer:

“After every school shooting, parents come on television and say, ‘Rap music is the problem. And drugs.’ No, the problem is that a lot of your kids are aggressive dicks and you won’t do shit about it. That’s the problem.

My wife is a kiddie shrink and is often asked to respond to the same issue by television reporters after media-frenzied shoot-em-ups. She provides the same general answer Stanhope and the rest do, but a Georgetown-trained Child Psychiatrist (practicing in the most conservative part of Alabama) can’t just say that your kid is fucked up and it may well be your own damned fault. Apparently, a good section of America wants to hear the truth served straight up (as evidenced by the disparity of their television ratings to that of my wife).

It’s no big secret; I’m terrible about keeping up with my correspondence. Every major campaign, I have to hire and recruit others to it for me. Just ask my kids, chicks who slip me their phone numbers at the bar (I didn’t include my wife’s name in this article so she wouldn’t get the Google News alert), or the IRS. I searched my memory bank and e-mail records to see the latest from people mentioned in this article. One of them was hate mail, so I’ll reserve that for a future rant. Stanhope and Russo were devoid of what one might expect; the tone was businesslike and serious — despite the sex toy topic discussed with Stanhope. Jillette and I haven’t e-mailed lately, reserving this website and his new radio shtick as our conduit for communications. From what I can gather behind the scenes, they are all very serious about freedom and the impediments thrown its way. What they all have in common is a common mechanism of expression: Politics and real life served straight up. Common sense shoved up your ellipsis…

They are dealing with real life, going psychodelic gonzo with expression, and swallowing the red pill. Perhaps the rest of the libertarian movement should emulate their examples, as opposed to trying to be anti-Democrats or hardcore Republicans.

In the mean time, I’m currently listening to Green Day, and way too drunk to start another incoherent rant…

Stephen Gordon

I like tasteful cigars, private property, American whiskey, fast cars, hot women, pre-bailout Jeeps, fine dining, worthwhile literature, low taxes, original music, personal privacy and self-defense rights -- but not necessarily in this order.

1 Comment