Republicans Redefine Nudity

Penn Jillette said he doesn’t know what “Common sense, shoved up your ellipsis” means. I thought I’d be nice enough to provide him an example.

Tax-loving Oklahoma Republican State Representative Lisa J. Billy clearly needs some common sense shoved up her ellipsis. She just proposed a bill designed to favor some businesses over others while depriving many of their First Amendment rights. She also wants to redefine sex and nudity along the way. From the Bill:

“State of nudity” means any bare exposure of the skin located on the body of a person below the armpits and above the knees.

Armpits and knees? I guess this rules out the beach and swimming pool, women wearing cropped tops, old men with wobbly knees wearing walking shorts and many baby pictures (especially those wearing only diapers). She wishes to apply this standard to sexually-oriented materials:

“Sexually-oriented materials” means any textual, pictorial, or three-dimensional material that depicts nudity, sexual conduct, sexual excitement, or sadomasochistic abuse…

This seems to cover mannequins in the lingerie department, entertainment and style magazines, and good portions of The Bible. This material would be sold at a sexually-oriented business:

“Sexually-oriented business” means any business which offers its patrons goods of which a substantial portion are sexually-oriented materials. Any business where more than ten percent (10%) of display space is used for sexually-oriented materials shall be presumed to be a sexually-oriented business;

I guess the grocery store will still be legal, even if they sell Trojans and KY Jelly. Not so sure about the magazine stand at the airport, though. Many lingerie shops are described with this definition.

She’s not trying to directly outlaw the lingerie shop or bookstore, but she does plan to outlaw their right to advertise outdoors, and to prohibit minors from visiting such premises. Since bikinis are clearly sexual in nature (just ask any straight male), swim shops that market 50% of their products to women will be affected. Book store owners will have to do a count of magazines with J-Lo and Britney Spears photos so they don’t cross that 10% threshold. Victoria’s Secret will no longer be able to display its wares, and kiddies can’t tag along with mommy when she’s shopping there.

The way I figure it, HoT just shoved a verbal ellipsis up Representative Billy’s prudish ellipsis. Props.

35 Comments
  1. Is it just me or does it look like she seriously needs to get some…….food in her, yeah and that too.

  2. Just wondering … does “state of nudity” include bare body parts if they dangle below the knees or are hoisted above the armpits?

  3. “Since bikinis are clearly sexual in nature (just ask any straight male), swim shops that market 50% of their products to women will be affected. Book store owners will have to do a count of magazines with J-Lo and Britney Spears photos so they don’t cross that 10% threshold. Victoria’s Secret will no longer be able to display its wares, and kiddies can’t tag along with mommy when she’s shopping there.”

    I bet none of this ever crossed her narrow, puritanical mind. Bureaucrats never consider the unintended consequences of their legislation. Gotta keep your eyes on the prize!

  4. LOL @ Ally. And that, too…

    ROFL @ RHampton. BTW, I have to stand on my head to get that dangle below my knees thing going.

    ’tis true, Andrew.

  5. Just find a way to cover up the naughty parts with violence and gore. Americans seem to tolerate violence and gore better than naked bodies.

  6. Since when did public nudity hurt anyone?

    Well, if you have the opposite affliction than Stephen described then you might get road rash.

    Oy, this blog is going down the shitter!

  7. There is no way that law will withstand even the slightest bit of First Amendment scrutiny. Even though commercial speech (billboards in theis case) gets less protection than a novel, this is such an obivous targetting of “bad” speech over “good” speech of the same type. Definite no-no.

    Apparently the gentlelady is not satisfied with zoning regulations that dictate where the actual premises will be, she wants to make sure that those far-flung premises can’t be advertised around public highways. The only way this bill would pass muster would be to revise it to restrict all billboards.

    If she did that, it’d get laughed out of committee (which it hopefully will be anyway).

  8. Oh! Well shit…and here I thought they were making porn that used 3D glasses.

    btw, I haven’t been serious at all in this thread. Well maybe a little bit, I think I’m onto something with the 3D glasses porn.

  9. Apparently since this woman is only a state rep, she’s only trying to get this puritanical crap passed in Oklahoma? Oklahoma is one of the most repressive states in the country. If this passes, then laws like this will only help to weaken the already fascist state by pushing out anyone with half a brain, in which case that is good news because they will take their money elsewhere. Anyone who lives in that state should pull all of their assests out and go somewhere more free.

  10. I think I am a libertarian member. I love public nudity, am antiwar, like porn, want abortions to stay legal and really like the idea of legal drugs. The only thing is I am for gun control and do not exactly know about libertarian policy on that as I think there would not be any killings without them.

  11. “Book store owners will have to do a count of magazines with J-Lo and Britney Spears photos so they don’t cross that 10% threshold”

    Dont forget to include names such as Hilary Duff, Lindsay Lohan, etc etc etc. **sarcasm**

    Just what we needed- more definitions and laws pertaining to so called moral issues and “family values”. Shouldnt those concepts be taught within the family, and not be everyone elses responsibility? Why is it so important to legislate morality when theres so many other more important issues to deal with? Now I see why Lisa Billy has a rectally implanted cranium.

  12. The only thing is I am for gun control and do not exactly know about libertarian policy on that as I think there would not be any killings without them.

    Guns are hardly the only weapon used for killing. People were killed long before guns came into existence, and people will be killed if guns ever go out of existence.

    The libertarian argument for the possession of guns is rooted in the Second Amendment to the Constitution:

    A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

    The primary purpose of the amendment was for the protection “of a free State” from outside attackers. A prepared and well armed “militia” was necessary for the security of the State. Another purpose of the amendment was to allow U.S. citizens to protect themselves from a tyrannical government, should that occur.

  13. Mr. Right, to add to what Josh has said, I would say that a stronger libertarian argument than the Second Amendment is the fundamental right to self-defense. Just as we know that passing laws cannot stop people from drinking booze, smoking pot, or looking at pornographic images, laws will also fail to prevent criminals (who, by definition disregard laws) from getting and using guns to commit their crimes. Peaceful citizens should never prohibited from possessing the means to resist such criminals.

  14. I think I am a libertarian member. I love public nudity, am antiwar, like porn, want abortions to stay legal and really like the idea of legal drugs. The only thing is I am for gun control and do not exactly know about libertarian policy on that as I think there would not be any killings without them.

    Welcome!

    My advice is not to stress out about the gun control thing. There are some within the party that make it their primary issue and others who really don’t care. The platform opposes gun control, but you don’t have to agree with the whole platform to be a member of the party.

    You’ll run into a lot of people who will immmediately engage you on the one point of disagreement you might have with the libertarian platform. My advice is to politely disengage from them and seek out the people who are interested in anti-war issues or drug legalization, or any of the other things that interest you.

    Again, welcome. It’s good to have you in the movement.

  15. Nick,

    I agree with your sentiment, and in fact disagree on several smaller points of the party platform. I actually think too many libertarians draw a line in the sand.

    I do, however, disagree about disengaging. I think if you have more people, with wider ranges of view, involved in a conversation it’s much more helpful to the understanding of everyone involved. As long as the people involved are respectful, I think you should remain plugged-in.

    BTW, my first comment was merely addressing Mr. Right’s indirect questioning of the libertarian standpoint on gun control. Hopefully I didn’t interject much opinion into it.

  16. “The only thing is I am for gun control…”

    I feel the same way. Unless you’ve had experience firing a gun, you really have no idea how much it is going to kick. This is especially true of shotguns. Another aspect of control is where you point the thing.

    Just messing with you. Look at the statistics for violent crime rates in Canada, Britain, and Australia, after confiscating or severly restricting gun ownership. Look at Washington D.C. Guns ownership rights may be the last rights we lose before all others are equally “confiscated”.

  17. Personally I believe the strongest argument for the 2nd Amendment is that the right to bear arms is an essential cornerstone for a democratic state. In case the government turns into a bunch of tyrants we will be able to rise up and overthrow them.

    Personally this is my main reason why I view it as essential.

  18. I joined Norml today as I want my drug to be sold in 7-11s just as we can buy beer and cigarettes. I hope some day that marijuana is sold like a pack of cigarettes ready to go and smoke. I hope that liberaterians are willing to have this freedom too. What would be wrong with lighting up anywere a cigarette is smoked or a beer is drank?

  19. I love it. I wonder…if we did what she proposes and let her walk around in her pure little planet…would she eventually go mental and have a psychotic sexually deprived break??

  20. I just thought of a work around, upside down strippers.
    Because then the area is above the shoulders and below the knees. But do you need to brown-bag the face?

  21. Wasn’t she Ms. Best Newcummer of 1987 at the AVN awards? Yeah…..she had a mouth like none other!

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