As a Pastafarian, I’m terribly upset. Scientists are meeting in Saint Louis and going on the offensive to take away our religious rights. Worse yet, they’ve invited a host of teachers. :
Scientists aren’t just defending evolution anymore. Over the weekend in St. Louis, the nation’s leaders in science went on the offensive.
With the fervor of preachers and the drive of generals, scientists from across the country rallied against what they describe as religious pressure in public schools. And they enlisted the help of hundreds of teachers.
The situation is becoming critical. They are trying to teach heretical concepts like the Theory of Evolution, filling children’s brains with ideas that will forever seperate them from everlasting life secured beneath the noodly appendage of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Perhaps it’s time to strike back. I’m merely afraid that there aren’t enough Pastafarians out there to combat this evil element in our society. Now is time for a host of organizations which support various views about Intelligent Design to join together so we can ensure that our children won’t be exposed to such radical views.
In order to implement effective change, I propose we call for a national conference (with C-Span coverage, of course) with panel discussions led by groups like:
- — The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (the true leaders in the cause)
- — The Taliban (they’ve successfully kept such heresy out of the heads of women for years)
- — Roy Moore and the Alabama Taliban (his perspective from the bench will prove invaluable)
- — The Catholic Church (Galileo and Copernicus were chump change, they’ve proven for centuries how to minimize dissension within the ranks)
- — Nazis (most of those scientists are probably Jews trying to take over the world, anyway)
At the conference, we should form a new umbrella coalition organization, perhaps called S.A.R.E., which stands for Science Abuse Resistance Education. If we ever expect to keep our kids off science, we’ve got to work together — starting now.