Help, Mom! Idiots are Trying to Brainwash Me!

Do you find yourself sometimes, occasionally, having some modicum of faith in the lesser evil of your choice? Ever think, “eh, those Democrats aren’t all that bad” or “the Republicans could be worse”?

Well, they’re now trying to eat the souls of children. This is more pathetic than anything, looking at the depths to which they will stoop to grab a future voter. “It’s for the children!” just took on a whole new depth of meaning.

First off, in the batshit insane theocracy corner, we have the entry “Help Mom, There’s Liberals Under My Bed!” by Katharine DeBrecht. Yes, Hollywood liberals are out to destroy your kid. Mostly it’s just parodies of the usual suspects, but apparently Howard Stern pulled some bluestate cred out of his ass just in time. That’s right, he’s a libertarianal, folks.

In the People’s Republic of Collectivist Looters corner, we have Jeremy Zilber’s “Why Mommy Is A Democrat”. Because, after all, only Democrats teach their children to share, want them to go to school, and want them to be safe. I do like the sheer ballsiness of it, though… the whole “fuck it we’re nannystatists and PROUD!” attitude seen here. You kinda get the impression that Zilber has pictures of Mary Poppins, Old Mother Hubbard and that chick from “The Sound of Music” saved in a hidden folder on his computer somewhere.

Man, I just can’t wait until the LP gets its shit in gear and gets in on the brainwashing kids game. I can imagine what it’d be like: Timmy doesn’t share his toys, because sharing is altruism and therefore evil. A bully initiated force on him, so he exercised his Second Amendment rights on the playground the next day. The cops came after him but he resisted the omnipotent cult of the state and wound up dead.

…yeah, on second thought we’ll leave the kiddie brainwashing to the majors.

Stuart Richards

Stuart Richards is a 26-year-old land surveyor based out of Portland, OR. He is a left-leaning geolibertarian and (theologically) liberal Christian, and has been blogging on and other libertarian sites since 2004.

  1. You should get out more….
    We have our own tales for youngsters out there.
    Jonathan Gullible.

    The Princess Navina series, as well. Then we have the classics, of course. Heinlein and all the others.

    Of course libertarian children usually read at a higher level so it’s not odd to see them reading young adult stuff while the “others” are reading primers.

  2. Ayn Rand wrote a book for children called _Listen! Listen!: Words by Ayn Rand_.

    I don’t know anything else about it.

  3. All the libertarian book catalogs I get heavily promote Dr. Seuss’ “Thidwick The Big-Hearted Moose” in their children’s sections.

    And every Christmas, I give “The Little Red Hen” to any kids in my circle for whom it’s age-appropriate.

    I suppose Aesop’s “The Ant & The Grasshopper” would be good, too.

  4. I agree with MRJarrell… Jonathan Gullible is an awesome book. It’s intended for younger kids, but I read it last year (24 at the time) and found it quite amusing and insightful.

    I highly recommend as a gift to the younger crowd to help them understand the true underpinnings of libertarianism.

  5. What does it say about me that I was reading Heinlein by age 9 — during class?

    I mean ‘cmon. Everybody knows LP brainwashing should be done on *teens*! “Smoke, drink, drive, screw, not-necessarily-in-that-order… just don’t hurt anybody or we’ll *FRY* your ass!”


  6. Just don’t hurt anybody? That would require that kids be taught not to initiate force and, as we so often see around here these days that is an outdated, anachronistic,and just plain anarchistic idea. Gods forbid we teach something like that to our children. (Insert dripping sarcasm icon here)

  7. We can show them that not initating force is cool through the likes of comic book superheroes. They just defend. Except for those statist Marvel superheroes and their registration act, but that’s another story.

  8. Well, they’re now trying to eat the souls of children.

    The moment before I read that I was taking a big swig of ice tea. I laughed so hard I almost choked!

    Good stuff Stuart!

  9. I’m still looking for some artists to illustrate a book to compete with “Why Mommy is a Democrat”, called “Why we’re Porcupines”. If you can draw cartoony images consistently and want to do something to help the efforts in NH, please contact me. We’re always looking for political cartoonists, as we don’t have anyone yet, and lots of issues we could do doing things with.

  10. My father must have been a libertarian in the early 1950’s. He taught me to never start a fight but if one is started, I am to finish it. I was also taught that if you were going to get an ass whooping, never, ever give it away for free. Always make the other guy(s) pay a heavy price.

    That advice has served me well in life both in business and in my personal life.

    Wonder what the take is from leftists (who control every aspect of education)?

  11. Having just gotten out of the public education system, Julian, you’re supposed to run away from fights, and if you’re going to get an ass-whooping no matter what, well, you’re still going to get punished.