Even Whackier than Libertarian Candidates

I’ve seen some strange Libertarian Party candidates before, but even we can’t sink this low. The moonbat candidate award now goes to former Republican Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, Ph.D., L.D.D.D., who descibes himself as a “Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch.”

Running on the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans ticket, he’s campaigning to become Governor of the Underworld Minnesota, as well as president in 2008. While I’m not sure of the entire VWP Party platform, I learned that Sharkey is sticking close to his Republican roots by being pro-impalement, pro-Ten Commandments and pro-life.

I suppose next we’ll hear that Buffy is running in order to oppose Sharkey’s candidacy. Props.

Stephen Gordon

I like tasteful cigars, private property, American whiskey, fast cars, hot women, pre-bailout Jeeps, fine dining, worthwhile literature, low taxes, original music, personal privacy and self-defense rights -- but not necessarily in this order.

  1. Surely we could counter with Stan Jones. Oh wait, silver keeps werewolves at bay, not vampires.

  2. And the news stories didn’t even include the parts of the tale where Sharkey claims he has super-secret VA documentation that proves he rose from the dead after 8 days in October 2004 and that the Department of Justice wants to study him for his amazing vampire powers, such as choking people to death psychically from ten feet away. Of course, if you can’t locate proof of that “PhD,” how are you going to prove the existance of classified files? He’s quite the vampire James Frey.

    Website is not mine, but a source of more entertaining info about Johnny and his antics.

  3. Pro-Ten Commandments? Hardly. He said he’s post EVERYTHING including the Wiccan rite and the 10 Commandments and everything else people believe in the entire state. Nice twist.

  4. The best part is that his wife drives a school bus and has 4 kids!! She also claims to be a vampire.