Congress Wants To Know If They’ve Molested You

Being the responsible public servant that he is, House Speaker Dennis Hastert has conveniently setup a Tip line for those of us that have been molested by Congress:

We’ve asked the Ethics Committee to look into this matter and we asked for criminal investigations to be opened by the Justice Department, the FBI and the State of Florida. We have a toll-free number where people can confidently call and we’ve reached out to experts around the country to put a system in place to make sure this never happens again.

The Tip number is: 1-866-384-0481.

Congress is finally going to take action against itself for the thousands upon thousands of laws it has created to molest us with? This is too good to be true!

The kicker: the number routes to a modem. I am not kidding, I just dialed it. If I wasn’t so accustomed to members of Congress lying to people, this would be a complete shock to me. However it appears to be business as usual.

I guess I will have to “confidently” fax them my grievances.

UPDATE: Michael Hampton pointed out that the correct number is 1-866-348-0481. Let the dialing begin.

  1. Everyone should call, flood the hot line. Congress molest everyone on a daily basis, over taxation, war on (some) drugs, invasions of privacy, well all should feel violated

  2. i mean, once they don’t send you to a modem, i really should have read the whole story. I may have a warped sense a humor, but i get a huge kick of a congressional molestion line

  3. The correct number is 1-866-348-0481.

    Apparently, among his many other faults, Dennis Hastert is also dyslexic…

  4. Does anyone REALLY believe Congress can investigate itself? This is like having child molesters vet daycare applicants. “The buck stops (at the easiest point of coverup)”. Just look at the Kennedy “magic bullet”, the Gulf of Tonkin incident, TWA 800 (those 200 odd witnesses were ALL WRONG in seeing a missle shoot up from the sea), Oklahoma City (where certain federal employees were conveniently ‘out of the office’ or the connections to Elohim City and the FBI informer), or 911 (where the falling buildings defy physics, 7 of the named ‘hijackers’ are still alive, the ‘dancing Israelis’ who filmed the event were swept out of the country), “The Iraqis will welcome us with flowers”, Cheneys ” I know they STILL have WMD’s and they are going to get us if we don’t get them first” and Georges “War across the World” tour, the FEMA debacle (doin a heckuva job), to every single budgetary figures EVER put forth ( all ALWAYS WAY WAY OFF!!!).
    THROW THEM ALL OUT!!!!!!!!

  5. M.sez: The more that folks in different places analyze events from their separate perspectives & still arrive at similar thoughts &/or conclusions, the more likely same are correct &/or valuable. As such, I loved Mr. Nelson’s comments because the logical “punch line” that screams itself from the HEALINE was of course in the article itself:

    Congress is finally going to take action against itself for the thousands upon thousands of laws it has created to molest us with? This is too good to be true! . . .

    And then, yet again reaffirming the point, at the sixth reader’s comment, one finds yet another logical & similar perspecive, which is about the best succinct summary of some of the objectively provable and/or already proven, but “proven too late” tragedies caused by and/or affirmatively lied about by “our” “representative” government. As pissedoffpatriot notes,

    Does anyone REALLY believe that Congress can investigate itself? . . . .

    M. sez: They are both right, you know.

  6. Congress are all professional liars with tons of practice and support NAZI FASCISM= EL DIABLOCO, ALL CRIMINALS that should be prosecuted and executed,if there was ANY justice at all in the world,forget the totally corrupt american empire.