They read your e-mail and learned that your friend needs to stop by and pick up that one-hitter he left at your house last weekend. They also know that your brother’s wife’s cousin is still having trouble dealing with homosexuality issues and that cousin Fran has had to file for bankruptcy. They caught the excuse you sent to your pastor for not being able to teach Sunday School next weekend and also know that it isn’t true because they also have your plane tickets to Vegas on file. What happens in Vegas no longer stays there, thanks to Uncle Sam.
They read the very personal e-mail you sent to your psychotherapist, as well as that humorous little nastigram you sent your spouse proposing that the two of you engage in some loving act of sodomy tonight — an act which is still illegal to perform in your state…
…but at least society is now safer because they know you’re not a terrorist.
As always, Russmo captured it perfectly: