The World on Drugs

When people are down in the dumps about something or another, it sometimes helps to take a look at someone wallowing in deeper doo doo. As deplorable as the failed war on drugs in the United States is, it could still be worse. At least we’re not executing people for smuggling drugs across the border — yet.

Thinks might be lightening up a bit in the UK, however. According to this article, “DRUGGIES caught with enough cannabis to make 500 joints could escape being charged as dealers” under recently proposed guidelines.

The National Institute on Drug Abuse may not be executing people, but they certainly aren’t concerned about intellectual integrity. Their new claim is that weed causes AIDS. They launched a new commercial (view it here) with the following verbal lines:

Female Number One: What about Kim?

Female Number Two: She has HIV. She got high, got stupid, and now she has HIV.

As funny as the taxpayer supported advertisement is, Owen Emberley gives us a humorous and almost accurate view of the differences between marijuana and alcohol intoxication. Here is a sample:

A Drunk Would… A Stoner Would…
Driving under the influence
Drive fast and recklessly crashing into a caravan of carriages and killing dozens of babies and young mothers. Drive fast and recklessly setting a new high score on Mario Kart.
In a Stairwell
Fall down the stairs and lay at the bottom moaning until the janitor woke him the next morning by dipping his head in the mop bucket. Stand there wondering why the escalator was broken.
Eating out
Go to Taco Bell and vomit on the floor. Go to Taco Bell and eat a half pound burrito, 3 chalupas, 2 steak quesadillas, a zesty border bowl and an order of cinnamon twisties. Then have a long and insightful conversation with the Chihuahua before proceeding to also vomit on the floor. (Okay, so this one’s a toss up, but at least the stoner is supporting the local economy.)
With A Guitar
Butcher the chords and mutter incoherent profanities that would have Korean karaoke singers covering their ears. Compose classic songs and timeless hits. If you don’t believe me, just check the facts. Every great songwriter is a stoner. It’s a fact. I read it in a thesaurus.

Read his whole article here.

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