No Shit, Chirac!

Elaine Ganley of the Associated Press reports:

President Jacques Chirac said Monday that the unrest in France’s poor, largely nonwhite suburbs revealed a “crisis of identity” that the entire nation must heal with firmness and with measures that combat what he called the poison of discrimination.

Chirac – speaking to the nation for the first time since the unrest erupted Oct. 27 — said France must instill values and hope in the “sons and daughters of the Republic” growing up in the poor, largely immigrant suburbs ringing French cities.

French law must be obeyed, he said, but all of France — its companies, unions and the media — must work to change decades of discrimination with new hiring policies.

“These events testify to a profound malaise … . This is a crisis of direction, a crisis of reference points, it is a crisis of identity,” he said. “We will respond by being firm, being just and being faithful to the values of France.”

One wonders what gave him the first clue. Now that Chirac finally gets it, perhaps he could teach a few of the American elite that we have similar problems here in River City. That is if he can break the attention of our power brokers away from their Hudson Valley foie gras and Dom Perignon lunches long enough to march them through the grim reality of places like nearby Southeast DC.

Stephen Gordon

I like tasteful cigars, private property, American whiskey, fast cars, hot women, pre-bailout Jeeps, fine dining, worthwhile literature, low taxes, original music, personal privacy and self-defense rights -- but not necessarily in this order.

  1. Ahhh, Mr. Gordon,
    To leave a plate of foie gras and a stem of Dom- unthinkable. Who can think seriously when the beautifully matched pair is dancing on the tounge?
    A plus tard!

  2. Ahhh, Ms. Shinghal,

    To begin, I had a particular DC restaurant in mind when I wrote the posting. At the time I was last there, it was Larry King’s favorite hangout, and was a place where mere congressmen might be considered riff-raff.

    The foie gras was excellent, and I’ve even had Dom Perignon there – courtesy of the Washington Post, no less.

    That said, further commonalities between France and the US come to mind. While I certainly don’t wish to get into arguments about various revisions of history or French translations (a language which you know better than I do and I’m not prepared for some Clintonian argument over what the meaning of cake is), I find the comment attributed to Marie Antoinette most appropriate for this particular issue:

    “Qu’ils mangent de la brioche!” or “Let them eat cake!”

    Keep in mind, people fight revolutions over stuff like this. Those sitting at the Grill at the downtown DC Ritz-Carlton might be a bit surprised when they see their cars burning as they approach the valet stand.

  3. French President Chirac has declared near victory in suppressing the riot war. He believes the French will be victorious sometime within the next two weeks to two decades as only 468 vehicles were burned last night, down from 3,500 per night at the high point.

    Chirac said, “As soon as we run out of buildings to burn as we have run out of vehicles, we can declare victory over the rioters without ever having fired a shot. The rest of the world will now respect us for our restraint and can use us as an example of how to handle insurgents, revolutionaries, thugs, bandits, terrorists, and enemies of the state”.

    The French have finally reestablished their credibility again in the world of free nations. Three cheers for them.
    Welcome back, France.

  4. After the success of bringing freedom and democracy to Afghanistan and Iraq, Our Glorious Leader has set his sights on bringing liberation to the long suffering people of another tyrannical enemy regime: France.

    “France was the home of Ayatollah Khomeini,” administration spokesman Siegfried von Klein noted, “and is beleived by our intelligence operatives to be the present hiding place of Mullah Omar and Osama Bin Ladin, along with millions of other suspected Islamo-fascists. They have long been aiding Islamic terrorism throught the world, and are believed to have weapons of mass destruction. Recently, alert FBI agents foiled a plot by the dastardly French to set fire to the Capitol building.”

    Defense Secretary Don “Corleone” Rumsfeld unveiled a visionary plan for victory, involving American liberators ceremonially marching through the Arc de Triomphe, and President Bush personally receiving an unconditional surrender from French strongman Jacques Chirac in a historic train car near Compiegne. “This will be a perfect time to publically unveil for the first time our focus-group tested, morale-boosting new salute, boots, and marching style,” The Don said.

    After the lightning-like liberation, plans call for a temporary American Democracy Facilitation Zone in the north, while a friendly administration headed by a precocious fighter against Islamo-fascism, Jean Marie Le Pen, will keep the south liberated from its headquarters in Vichy. “Jean Marie Le Pen has been a pioneer in the fight against Islamic extremism ever since his days with the paratroopers in Algeria,” noted Reichsministry of Homeland Security head Maxemillian von Chertoff.

    Plans for re-educating the French people will call for abolishing the French language (a vote of the people will be held to choose between English and German), prohibit the eating of cheese, and create a new program to provide jobs for unemployed Islamists in new factories to be built in the friendly, terrorist-fighting nation of Poland. “I look forward to my new job in a soap factory in Oshwick,” said Hakim Sayid, an unemployed Moroccan from a housing project in Seine-Saint-Denis, a suburb of Paris. Secretary of State Konstantina Rauss is currently in Brussels, negotiating details of a plan for transporting workers to Poland with European railroad companies as part of Operation Liberation Through Work.

    Rumsfeld denied any plans for liberating Russia, citing a mutual non-agression treaty that President Bush and Premier Putin signed last month. “These two world leaders share a great deal of mutual respect and admiration,” said the Don. “President Bush’s father was in the CIA, and Premier Putin was in the KGB.”

    von Klein was quick to note that once the weapons of mass destruction are destroyed, he expects that the liberated French people will quickly learn the joys of freedom, democracy, hospitality, and a less nasal form of speech. “I bet they won’t miss that stinky cheese either,” he said, and followed with a demonstration of the new military salute by extending his right hand and shouting, “Hail Bush! Hail Victory!”

    Equally enthusiastic was Persecutor General Albert Hochenhaus, who noted, “Today France. Tomorrow, who knows?”. VP Dick Cheney added that he has written a cool new song to commemorate the occasion, “The Hoarse Weasel Leads”. Look for it on next week’s bilboard charts in a stomping rendition by the top ten contestants on American Idol.