Jon Stewart was on Larry King Live again. I figured that out because I got a bunch of search engine hits for the last time he was on the show. Hopefully people are smart enough to look at the date of the post and not download that old clip, because they will be confused when they talk about John Kerry’s chances at winning the election and will think they are time-travelling or something.
Anyways, I missed the show, because Larry King wears suspenders and I have a suspenders phobia. Actually, that was a lie, I don’t watch the news at all: I am omniscient so I don’t need a television to tell me what’s going on in our fair and balanced world. CNN has a transcript of the interview, and there’s a couple good parts:
KING: What’s your take on red state, blue state?
STEWART: I think it’s a fabulous way — you know, I never thought there would be a way to reduce the nuance differences between people in this country to something easier than Republican, Democrat, or liberal, conservative. They’ve actually literally found a way to reduced it to just primary colors.
KING: You’re either red or blue.
STEWART: You’re red or blue.
Don’t even worry about it. Don’t try and think about what may be the difference be between us. It really does feel like an unreal scenario.
And by the way, as a blue stater, with a red stater, let’s face facts, Massachusetts, you know, we were burning witches before they even thought about banning interracial dating. So if you want to talk about who’s the original red staters, I think it’s us. Northeast was all Puritans. We were the guys.
SNIPPING OUT KING
No, I think that ultimately there is — I will say that that there’s an authenticity problem that George Bush, I think, has probably conquered. There is a strange thing in our electoral process where candidates, when they run for office, decide they have to be regular dudes. They have to be us. There’s this sort of general “I’m just like you. I’m a regular Joe.”
Really, you watch 10 hours of TV a day, because I would think you’d want to work. I don’t understand why they don’t say “I’m better than you,” that’s why I should be president. Because, if you’re just like me, why am I voting for you? I should be president.
They all run to this — it’s this weird sense of “I’m going to put on that red and black jacket check jacket and I’m going to go down to a factory and have a cup of coffee and a doughnut with a dude and show him that I’m an idiot.” You know, I don’t understand. And I think that was — there was an attempt on his part to dumb himself down in a way that was disingenuous, it seemed.
Stewart breaks it down succinctly, as always, except for the part where he autographed his book after applying an ink roller to his asscheeks. That was a little out there. If anyone tivo-ed the interview or knows where it can be found, drop me a line.