Jack Ryan! Jack Ryan! Jack Ryan!

Jack RyanYou know, there’s some sex tapes out there that everyone actually wants to see. Move over, Paris Hilton, the Democrats are frothing for some raunchy, Republican Senate candidate Jack Ryan, sexcapades.

Wait… scratch that. No one wants to see (or hear) about some pasty middle-aged Republican jacking off with his wife, even if he’s running for Senate. Well, maybe they do.

If you want to hear about the dirty details of the moral depravity of Jack Ryan, there’s plenty to be found. The scandal-seeking Wonkette asserts in “Illinois Senate Race: Well, Someone Is Sure Getting Whipped Now”:

Ryan’s divorce papers have been plaguing him the entire campaign and the latest revelations are Starr report-level steamy: In them, Ryan’s ex-wife (Jeri Ryan, former alien hottie, later cast in the equally improbable role of a Boston public school teacher) accuses him of taking her to several sex clubs and says he asked her to get jiggy with him in front of other couples. Bright side for the family values folks: She insists he didn’t cheat on her.

But it’s funny because he did it in Paris; Everyone tries to do the nasty in Paris. Political Wire seems to think that the GOP is starting to bail on his (whipped) ass in “In Illinois, Ryan Cancels Key Fundraiser”:

NBC5-TV reports Hastert’s office says he has been called to a “leadership conference at the White House” and would be unable to attend the Ryan event.

That’s Republican code for “oh snap! If we don’t bail on this guy, we’re total hypocrites.” This guy is sooooo not getting elected, bet money on it.

Illinois Senate Race: Well, Someone Is Sure Getting Whipped Now [Wonkette]
In Illinois, Ryan Cancels Key Fundraiser [Political Wire]
Hastert Spokesman: ‘Iraq Trumps Jack Ryan’ [NBC5-TV]

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