Election 2004 in One Act: Why Bush Won

Democrats: robble robble robble.

Dean: YEEARGH!

Kerry: Robble robble, Vietnam, electability.

Bush: War on Terror, fear, jesus.

Kerry: Fascist, liar, robble.

Bush: Commie, flip-flopper.

Cheney: Robble robble, go fuck yourself.

Michael Moore: Fuck you, mother fucking fuck fuck! Ooh, a donut…

Bush: Commies, fuck you.

Kerry: No… FUCK YOU!

Liberal Elite Media: Fucking Halliburton, motherfucking rich people. FUCK! We’re fucking rich too!

Bush: FUCK YOU TIMES A MILLION!

Kerry: FUCK YOU TIMES INFINITY!

7% of Voters: WHAT THE FUCK?!?

Right Wing Media: LIBERAL MOTHERFUCKERS! FLIP FUCK FLOP FUCK, FUCKING DIE!

Bush: FUCK! TERROR! FLIP-FUCKING-FLOPPER! FUCKING GAYS GETTING FUCKING MARRIED!

Kerry: Health-FUCK-YOU-care, SOCIAL-UP-YOURS-SECURITY.

Bush and Kerry: MOTHER FUCK IRAN AND NORTH KOREA!

Bin Laden: I’m still alive you dumb fucks.

Bush: HOLY FUCK WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT? FUCKING A VOTE FOR ME YOU STUPID FUCKS! SEPTEMBER 11TH, TERROR, FEAR!!!

Team America: America! Fuck Yeah! Comin’ again to save the motherfucking day… yeah!

Nov 2nd: FUCK THE NORTH!

Nov 3rd: FUCK! THE SOUTH?

Kerry: Fuck, I’m a pussy.

Bush: Invade the fucking blue states.

Nov 8th: WAS IT FUCKING RIGGED?!?

Democrats: Robble robble robble.

UPDATE:

Liberal Elite Media: Uh… robble?

Fin.

Stephen VanDyke

I've published HoT along with about 300+ friends since 2002. We're all Americans who are snarky and love our country. I'm a libertarian that registered Republican because I like to win elections. That's pretty much it.

3 Comments
  1. Brilliant and incisive analysis of the election. Also, a lot funnier than the “moral values” handwringing I’ve been hearing so much of lately.

    Yours truly,
    Mr. X

    …bring the pain…