Dean “Suspends” Campaign on my Advice

Dean announced he is “suspending” his campaign today, thanks in no part to my reasonable and well thought out article on the subject. Of course, do I get credit for this revelation? No.

You might say that this is not “flipping out” as I had advocated, and for this I should probably clarify myself. When I said “flip out”, I had meant: confuse everyone by withdrawing, but not withdrawing, while not conceding or telling anyone what the hell is going on. See? I was right all along. Ok, maybe not.

I do think that Dean has somehow lost all motivation, and that includes giving a rousing concession speech which should rally his supporters to move on to support his old opponent (most likely Edwards), but Dean must have the notion that he’s still in this race, even if only for a VP slot. Someone tell him he’s not: Kerry will pick Edwards or loose-lipped Clark over Dean, simply out of spite, or probably more importantly (according to the media folks), because those two actually give him a chance at garnering Southern votes. Dean on the other hand, might help with the Southern contingency with “the Confederate flags in their pickup trucks”, but that might scare the ultra-liberals making up the core of… what’s that?… the Democratic Party. That’s right Dean, Democratic Party, not Confederate Party.

So while Dean retreats to his home in Vermont and slides off the national radar—praying that the word “suspension” will somehow absolve him of the need to campaign and that a magical constituency of people who vote for candidates who are still on the ballot but officially washed up will appear—Kerry and Edwards solidify their camps and and give each other love taps while simultaneously attacking Bush. Dean goes home, but leaves his name on the ballot in silent protest. Perhaps people will vote for him out of pity, but I doubt it.

In other news, since John Kerry turned out to be an asexual bore, everyone is starting to look in Edward’s pants, but much to their dismay.

There’s more at Allah is in the House (via Wonkette).

UPDATE FROM 2011: LOL, EDWARDS. Despressingly ironic, right?

Stephen VanDyke

I've published HoT along with about 300+ friends since 2002. We're all Americans who are snarky and love our country. I'm a libertarian that registered Republican because I like to win elections. That's pretty much it.

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