Tag Archives: humor

Pirates of the Caucussembly

We’ve been kicking this masterpiece around HoT HQ for the past week and needed to share it in advance.

Next nail under the hammer: A not very exhaustive piece about attending the Colorado Republican State Assembly (and the caucuses, division meetings, El Paso County Assembly, yadda yadda yadda … This has been costly in both time and financially to your faithful publisher). I may have to take a photo of the Statesman’s Game of Votes cover, as there is one note of humor that they had sadly overlooked.

Art by Chad Ginsburg
Coloring by Stephen VanDyke

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Introducing HoT’s newest contributor: Chad Ginsburg

In fact, I’ll let Chad Ginsburg introduce himself with this fantastic video presented at Liberty First earlier this month. It gets a little long with the Q&A going on towards the end, but it’s one of the best examples of the Colorado Springs political scene (Liberty First is a bi-monthly meeting often frequented by GOP candidates seeking votes and “buzz”). Chad’s a genial libertarian and a natural showman and I’m eager to exploit nurture that.

Welcome aboard Chad, and thanks for being a rock star by helping hand out a bajillion Hammer of Truth stickers already.

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FATCA: Most important law (you’ve never heard of)

FATCA is a crazy law that the United States Congress has decided to impose on the entire world. It comes into force in 2014. Basically we’re building a worldwide empire subject to the Internal Revenue Service (IRS). This video cuts through the BS and explains the law in the simplest terms possible.

200 years from now, when people look back and wonder how the US shifted from being a source of hope to being one of history’s shitty little empires, the implementation of this law may be one of the things they point to… just watch the video to learn the truth.

-Robert Morris

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Libertarian music is getting better

Megapuss – A Gun On His Hip and a Rose On His Chest.

That just made me want to pick up the Hammer of Truth and bludgeon some fascists and commies. “Hey bo diddly!” proclaimed victoriously, as we know the security state is one of constant fear! We see your hands shake when you lie. RUN AWAY LITTLE CHILD, I HAVE A ROSE ON MY…

Telling the truth is the best fuck you can give, and for some awesome reason it sounds best as a 50s surf song.

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College students thwart 70 agencies, sneak in Super Bowl XLVII

This year, New Orleans’ Superdome had the distinction of being protected not just by the Department of Homeland Security and 4,000 private security guards. More than 70 federal agencies working out of the Joint Operations Center at the New Orleans FBI office, ostensibly with the goal of stopping anyone who didn’t belong inside the “National Special Security Event”.

Included in the clusterfuck of alphabet security soup is one that should probably be an expert in the matter, but is somehow the exact opposite — Customs and Border Patrol. CPB posted a self-congratulatory release on their website this week:

When the San Francisco 49ers faced the Baltimore Ravens, fans in the New Orleans Mercedes-Benz Superdome probably did not realize the level of security that covered them long before they made their way into the stadium. They may have been unaware of the nearly invisible protected air space that blanketed the venue hours before the kick-off and well after they left the stadium.

U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) once again was part of the super security team supporting New Orleans in their efforts to host a safe and secure Super Bowl XLVII experience. As part of the team, CBP brings its operational experience and assets to support their federal, state and local law enforcement partners, the National Football League (NFL) and the community.

The rub? Two students from Savannah State snuck their way past the army of security and into the event sans tickets. Their technique was simple enough — wearing matching hoodies and exuding extreme confidence. They even video-recorded the whole exploit, Savannah Now has posted portions.

Priceless reaction after the duo waltzed by security: “They should have stopped us.”

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Samsung makes commercial mocking first amendment limits

How does a company get around copyright and trademark over-zealotry? By being bitter about intellectual property rights.

In Samsung’s commercial about making a SuperBowl commercial (so meta, you guys), Bob Odenkirk — best known as the lawyer Saul “better call Saul” Goodman from AMC’s Breaking Bad — asks comedians Seth Rogan and Paul Rudd to pitch ideas for some new product (flashed at us for only a mere three seconds).

The trio then spend the next minute hashing out how exactly to even make a commercial when they are muffled by legal precedent and unable to speak any of the trademarked names (they are constantly shushed by Odenkirk before they can finish them, but it’s clear what’s been unsaid). The Super Bowl becomes “the big game” and ultimately “el plato supremo”, while the Baltimore Ravens and San Francisco 49ers are re-nicknamed the “black birds” and the “fifty minus one-ers”. At which point they all laugh and embrace “hashtags” because twitter hasn’t been smart enough to trademark that term yet.

Samsung doesn’t deserve a free pass on intellectual property abuse themselves. Ironically, and rather hypocritically, Samsung has previously partnered with the International Olympic Committee — one of the most notorious trademark enforcers around the world.

And consider the following: If anyone made a widely broadcasted commercial without clearance (“hey guys, go download the new Hammer of Truth’s message notification buddy app widget thingie, which works awesome on my Samsung Android” *holds up $40 flip phone from 2004 for camera*), Samsung’s legal department would certainly be sending out cease and desist letters. For a company that has spent millions of dollars on litigating against the little guy, for them to hire three multi-millionaire actors to play the roles of potential chilling effect victims is only convincing… because they hired convincing actors.

Regardless, for a commercial focused on the inanity of legal hurdles involved in making commercials, it’s a well deserved poke in the eye of copyright laws.

Unfortunately, I have no idea what they’re selling.

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Seattle gun buyback program turns into free marketplace

Seattle police held their first gun buyback program in 20 years on Monday. When the line of sellers started growing, things got… interesting:

[P]rivate gun collectors were working the large crowd as little makeshift gun shows began dotting the parking lot and sidewalks. Some even had “cash for guns” signs prominently displayed.

Police stood in awe as gun enthusiasts and collectors waved wads of cash for the guns being held by those standing in line for the buyback program.

People that had arrived to trade in their weapons for $100 or $200 BuyBack gift cards($100 for handguns, shotguns and rifles, and $200 for assault weapons) soon realized that gun collectors were there and paying top dollar for collectible firearms. So, as the line for the chump cards got longer and longer people began to jump ship and head over to the dealers.

John Diaz, Seattles Police Chief, wasn’t pleased with the turn of events stating “I’d prefer they wouldn’t sell them,” but admitted it’s perfectly legal for private individuals to buy and sell guns, FOR NOW. Mayor Mike McGinn said at a news conference the private transactions are a loophole that needs to be closed. “There’s no background checks, and some (guns) could be exchanged on the streets that shouldn’t be in circulation.”

But Schuyler Taylor, a previous gun retailer attending the event in hopes of buying weapons, asked “Why not offer them cash versus a gift card? I’m still taking the guns off the streets; they’re just going in my safe.”

People were reportedly, at one point, jumping out of vehicles whilst sitting in traffic – making on the spot deals with the gun buyers.

The free market works! “Cash for guns” is the new cash for gold, that’s golden.

To top things off, some crazy guy nearly ended up selling a used “launch tube assembly for a Stinger portable surface-to-air missile” to a private party to use in the coming revolution. MURICAAA!!!

I can’t wait for one of these silly gun buyback programs to be announced in my area so I can run out and outbid the laughably low prices being offered by law enforcement.

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Lupe Fiasco kicked off stage after performing “Words I Never Said” for 30 minutes at Obama Inauguration bash

“Gaza strip was getting bombed, Obama didn’t say shit. That’s why I ain’t vote for him, next one neither”

Move over Big Boi, Lupe Fiasco is the latest Hip Hop artist to steal the limelight with dissent against the status quo. For thirty minute straight, the rapper held court at The Hamilton Live, regaling the audience with an extremely extended version of his song “Words I Never Said” — a political rap aimed squarely at President Obama’s Inauguration event in which he was invited to perform.

Here’s just one verse of the lyrics:

I really think the war on terror is a bunch of bullshit
Just a poor excuse for you to use up all your bullets
How much money does it take to really make a full clip?
9/11, building 7, did they really pull it?
Uh, And a bunch of other coverups
Your child’s future was the first to go with budget cuts
If you think that hurts, then wait, here comes the uppercut
The school was garbage in the first place, that’s on the up and up
Keep you at the bottom but tease you with the upper crust
You get it, then they move it, so you never keeping up enough
If you turn on TV, all you see’s a bunch of “what the fucks”
Dude is dating so and so, blabbering ’bout such and such
And that ain’t Jersey Shore, homey, that’s the news
And these the same people supposedly telling us the truth
Limbaugh is a racist, Glenn Beck is a racist
Gaza strip was getting bombed, Obama didn’t say shit
That’s why I ain’t vote for him, next one either
I’m a part of the problem, my problem is I’m peaceful
And I believe in the people, yeah

The LUPEND blog has what appears to be the first-hand account:

So Lupe just performed the first verse of Words I never Said for 30 minutes straight. He had to be removed from the stage…. for performing. Im at a loss for words…

20 min straight… **they cut his mic off**. Raps with no mic for 5-10 more minutes, People booing and everything. They cut the power to the stage. All those people… stunned! Security had to remove the homie from the stage.

He did the entire set, all the music from all the songs he was going to play were played… but he only did that verse. He stopped and had water once, and then he started the verse again…and again… and again… and again… No arrests… they just removed him from the stage. Nothing violent or negative was done. Just an #EpicShow!

Take this Day serious. #MLKDay – @LupeFiascoStore

A lot of people (*cough* some reddit liberal douchebags *cough*) are already speculating that the stunt will harm his music career and sales. I beg to differ, HoT fans will remember Kelly Clarkson had a similar prediction made about her by liberal fans when she came out in support of Ron Paul at the end of 2011. Only instead of watching her album sales dip, they skyrocketed in the following weeks as fans lined up to support her decision.

It’s hilarious that Lupe willingly went into enemy territory to make his political point in person (beliefs that somehow escaped the talent bookers). But it’s pathetic that some thugs (Secret Service by the looks of it) would manhandle an internationally acclaimed artist for peacefully protesting with a microphone.

UPDATE: StartUp Rock On, the concert’s organizers, issued a press release early Monday morning that Lupe “left the stage earlier than we had planned. But Lupe Fiasco was not ‘kicked off stage’ for an ‘anti-Obama rant.'”

“We are staunch supporters of free speech, and free political speech,” the organizers said. “This was not about his opinions. Instead, after a bizarrely repetitive, jarring performance that left the crowd vocally dissatisfied, organizers decided to move on to the next act.”

However, careful examination of the video will reveal the truth: Lupe had fans in the crowd, and they were cheering him. Maybe a good jarring of bizarrely repetitive truth is exactly what this country needs right now.

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Leadership: The Video

I think it puts him in appropriate company…

-Rob Morris

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Assault Hammer of Truth?

From Breitbart:

In 2005, the number of murders committed with a rifle was 445, while the number of murders committed with hammers and clubs was 605. In 2006, the number of murders committed with a rifle was 438, while the number of murders committed with hammers and clubs was 618.

And so the list goes, with the actual numbers changing somewhat from year to year, yet the fact that more people are killed with blunt objects each year remains constant.

For example, in 2011, there was 323 murders committed with a rifle but 496 murders committed with hammers and clubs.

Massive pro-gun and pro-freedom facebook page “The American Patriot Nation” has been running a series of wall posts eviscerating the argument against guns. Their angle? Pointing out that the most dangerous (i.e.- most people killed) weapon in America isn’t actually an “assault” rifle, rather it’s blunt objects such as hammers, baseball bats, crowbars and rolling pins.

Here’s the hilarious images:

According to FBI crime stats, hammers and other blunt objects are used to commit more homicides than rifles.

Pick your poison…


Hammer control time!


Guess which items are used more in murders?

No word yet on how Congress will react towards these ridiculously true revelations. We’re rushing to outfit Hammer of Truth with pistol grips, high capacity databases and some matte black paint just in case.

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Finally, a Schoolhouse Rock for 2012

From the video description:

Homeless Uncle Sam tells us how the voting process REALLY works. Spoiler Alert: It has something to do with masturbation, the electoral college and Tupac.

MMMMM… horse head cheese. Makes me want to work hard building shitty products for ungrateful foreigners.

Astute readers will remember back when Saturday Night Live took a swipe at media conspiracy theories with their Schoolhouse Rock parody, which aired only once.

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Romney Bounce

David Rees at MNFTIU has released his latest Get Your War On video comic in response to the tightening polls in the wake of Barack Obama’s lackluster performance against Mitt Romney. The song is pretty catchy:

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Drone almost collides with private plane over Denver

From InfoWars:

A mystery object, thought to be a military or law enforcement drone, flying in controlled airspace over Denver almost caused a catastrophic mid air crash with a commercial jet Monday.

The pilot of the Cessna jet radioed air traffic controllers to warn them that “A remote controlled aircraft” had flown past his plane far too close for comfort.

“Something just went by the other way … About 20 to 30 seconds ago. It was like a large remote-controlled aircraft.”

Flying at 2,800 feet, the drone is clearly sophisticated enough for long range operations, which puts it squarely in the purview of professional use. No agency or person has yet to step forward and claim ownership of the errant flying bot.

My theory is that this is step one of SKYNET — which is to give free toys to all the police agencies that is way above their technical understanding. Eventually the bots will own the skies and we all know how it’s downhill from there.

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