No Really… We’re Going to Leave Iraq One Day

I didn’t even have to write this one, thanks to Gary Nolan. I have been impressed with his staunch Libertarian views for awhile now, and I’m officially endorsing him for President. I would also like to ask anyone who links to him to use the words “viable alternative” when linking to him. Through this google-bomb, you can help put him to the top of the google ranking for that search.

Indefinite Occupation [Gary Nolan Blog]
Viable Alternative [Gary Nolan for President]

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Random Gesticulations: Press Conference Lush

Brian Flemming points out a screenshot—from a Google News search on the Bush press conference—that asks “Was He Drunk?”. Obviously he hasn’t heard that all the cool Republicans are into the pill scene. [via Wonkette]

Sources tell me that Bill O’Reilly watched the press conference, and showed special interest in the hypno-tie Bush was wearing. He may or may not have said “woah maaaaan” during the viewing.

It looks like the press conference may have been part of a larger strategy of the Bush administration.

UPDATE: deconstructor took some of the bite off the google search for: bullshittosatisfypeople. How long until more people (like me, now) are showing up in that search (which I will, since I now used the term, and it will be indexed). How long until someone in the big media picks this up as an op-ed piece?
Google Discovers Secret White House Motto? [deconstructor]

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But… All the Other Republicans are Doing It

First of all, he did look like he’d been popping some pills. The flushed cheeks, the bleary eyes never focusing for more than a moment, the transitions between visibly agitated and tired desperation. I mean hell, I don’t blame the guy for popping pills before a news conference with the press, after all, you gotta take the edge off of the coke somehow.

Wait scratch that, I must have been watching Dennis Miller again.

I’m glad I wasn’t the only one annoyed at the super-psychedelic tie. Whoever the hell is picking out Bush’s wardrobe these days needs to lay off the sugar cubes. [Wonkette]

It was funny that the reporters are fond of asking truly up-to-date questions about foreign policy. I mean, the words Iraq, Vietnam and quagmire in the same sentence… zing, someone pass that man a napkin. And for the home viewers, 3 shots of tequila is the par for that one.

Of course, it’s not very useful to ask questions that are sidestepped with one-liners and rhetoric. My favorite was the response to this line of questioning:

QUESTION: I was asking why [you and Cheney are] appearing together, rather than separately, which was [the 9/11 Commission's] request.

BUSH: Because it’s a good chance for both of us to answer questions that the 9-11 commission is looking forward to asking us. And I’m looking forward to answering them.

A good follow-up question at this point would be to ask if Bush holds hands with the Secret Service when he crosses the street… or does Laura leave the night-light on for him when he goes to bed… or do they have to chop up his food in to really small pieces until his adult teeth come in?

Transcript of President Bush’s press conference [SFGate]

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Bring ‘Em On!

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Banned in the U.S.

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Gashcroft: Lots of Little Boobs Make a Big One

I find this image by Hublog to be absolutely fitting.

Of course, Ashcroft is probably going to have him sent to Gitmo as a porn terrorist now.

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The Original Iraqi Kid Message

Apparently there has been some controversy over a little cardboard sign that an Iraqi kid was holding, and it is obviously a fake. I submit to you the original image pre-Photoshop, with the original message intact. Obviously this is nothing more than liberal campaign to smear our brave soldiers. God Bless!

UPDATE (4/15): OK serously, this is a joke and a parody (for you numbskulls who couldn’t figure that out and posted comments in that vein). I don’t know if the other is original or not, but I was trying to show how easy it is to manipulate a photo. BTW, all I did was write this on a piece of paper, take a digital photo, and overlay it properly (those of you who know photoshop will understand the techniques). In retrospect, I should have edited it to say the exact same thing but with different handwriting, but I was trying for a laugh. Selah.

UPDATE (4/22): Making ripples in the news, I should do this more often…

Pool said at least two other versions of the photo were on the Internet, each with a different sign.

One says: “My country got invaded and all I got was this lousy sign.”

Another says: “Lcpl Boudreaux saved my Dad, th(en) he rescued my sister.”

It was not known if the photos were altered in any way.

No, none of them were altered, each of them exists in a parallel universe where they are original, dumbass.

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The Party Comes Crashing Down

Apparently, Nader is spinning his wheels in the mud, as far as his campaign goes. His appearance in Portland, Oregon to get petitions signed for ballot access only netted a few hundred attendees. Many of whom were protesting against his campaign. The quote that I used is from his website.

Though I am not ruling out third party candidates this year (I am still holding out for Libertarian Gary Nolan, if he can gain the momentum in time), I am certain than Nader’s candidacy is essentially doomed. And I think it is more from leftover anger at the 2000 election spoiler than anything else.

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New Design… in Progress

I’m switching to a new design, mostly because the old one never worked right in IE and I’m not smart enough to figure out how to make CSS work right in the first place. The left menu is still pretty nasty looking and I’m not a huge fan of how WordPress just has a long-ass garble of links, but again it’s a work in progress. For anyone who wants to know what the final design will look like, here’s a screenshot of my mockup design that I want to use (click for bigger image):

I’m pretty much stealing the best ideas from a bunch of other sites here. The design template was ganked from jonimueller.com, while the post layout and side menu (to come) is from the genius at 1976 design. Well, this is my “coming clean” or whatever, I don’t think my borrowing layout ideas is going to dilute anyone’s brand or cause too much havoc. Then again, I could be in for a shitstorm from the highbrow design community.

UPDATE: You can see an example of the cool tabs (with gradient yumminess), which were of course happily stolen from “Sliding Doors of CSS, Part II” at A List Apart. Now I just have to make it so they are javascript enabled, add the rest of the side page, and bada-bing, it will be added.
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Rubber Booties of Malevolance

A total ripoff of Red Meat, but hey, ripping off styles is the new black.

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Bush Bored Kid

First there was the Star Wars kid, now there is this kid about 13 or 14-years-old who was obviously not interested in whatever Bush had to say at this fundraiser. I call him the “Bush Bored Kid”. David Letterman did a segment on Monday called “George W. Bush: Invigorating America’s Youth”, which showed this kid in all his bored glory. Hilarious.

Video 1 (RealVideo 2.0MB), where he yawns, stretches, and checks his watch.

Video 2 (RealVideo 5.7MB), where David Letterman makes fun of CNN for believing the Whitehouse statement that it was digitally altered.

His father had this to say:

“I accept full responsibility for that,” the forlorn father said. “His mother was out of town, and I let him stay up too late. I should have prepped him better.”

I’d say that no amount of prepping can prepare anyone for the natural sedative effects of a Bush speech.

The David Letterman videos are rehosted here, but were originally found on Over/Spun.

Please link to this post and not directly to the videos, thanks.

UPDATE: Here’s a story about the comedy of errors made by CNN. Apparently you are allowed to make up Whitehouse quotes if you work at CNN, at least that’s what I was told that by their head of public relations. Thanks to Bob for pointing this article.

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How News Travels… In Other Languages

This is a follow-up to “How News Travels on the Internet”. Every couple of days, another site will link to it and there will be a few more hits. Presumably this cycle repeats itself in a wave pattern, with the largest waves at the front. Or so I’ve seen.

Anyways, a lot of the sites aren’t in English, and while I can half-ass read Norwegian (or whatever it was), German, Spanish, and a little French, I make no attempts to quantify my level of Chinese. Apparently the readers of this zhouqiang.com article aren’t versed in English, or they are lazy like me. Anyways, someone posted a link to the infographic, except they changed it all to Chinese. I thought it looked pretty cool, except they didn’t do the legend or the notes, so a bunch of Chinese people probably think I am stupid and it is a horrible graphic.

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Get Your Predecessor Blame On

War Rationale 10.0 (via Blogdex)

And there’s more Richard Clarke than Bush wants on TV. But hey, he’s made his bed, now it’s time to lie in it.

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Gary Nolan on Fox News

First, of all, I don’t watch TV, I don’t even own one (though I do see HBO and 60 Minutes when I have dinner every Sunday at my sister’s house). Even if I did, I most certainly would not be watching Fox News. However, the David Asman interview with Gary Nolan yesterday would have been an exception. I’m fed up with Democrats and Republicans trying to “out-pork” each other and screw up this country with stupid laws and regulations. They have both failed, and Nolan certainly has the gusto to say so and has a plan to reverse their malfeasance.

News; Domestic
Interview with Presidential Candidate Gary Nolan (L)
David Asman
667 words
24 March 2004
Fox News: The Big Story With John Gibson
English
(c) 2004 FDCH / eMedia, Inc. All Rights Reserved.


(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GARY NOLAN (L) PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE:

Third-party presidents have happened in this country before. Abraham Lincoln was a third party. There were the Wigs, the Democrats and the Republicans. So it can happen.
(END VIDEO CLIP)

SV: Good point on Lincoln, what would have helped would have been a contrast to the current incumbent parties. But hey, it’s a video clip and was probably edited for length and to be a good lead in.

ASMAN:

It can happen. That was presidential candidate Gary Nolan, another third party candidate. Nolan is with the Libertarian Party. Of course, he set his sights on the Oval Office. And he joins us now with today’s big question — why should people vote Libertarian, Gary?


GARY NOLAN (L) PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE:

David, you should only vote Libertarian if you want a really strong economy for the middle class and the poor, job opportunities, if you want a clean environment, if you want national defense and affordable health care.

SV: A little humorous rhetoric here, I’d hold it against him if this was a longer interview, but this is actually quite funny in it’s own right.

ASMAN:

But Gary, so far, you have said nothing that the other two candidates are not saying.


NOLAN:

That’s right. They’re all saying it, but only the Libertarian party can deliver.

SV: More rhetoric from the cuff, I hope this is not a crutch for him.

ASMAN:

What do you deliver that the other parties don’t? Let’s put it that way.


NOLAN:

How about really reducing the size of the federal government? I’m not talking Washington speak. I’m talking really reducing the size of the federal government. If we do that, David, and we get rid of this cumbersome and burdensome income tax, imagine what happens to the economy and to the middle class?

SV: Here we go, this is what makes Nolan (and the Libertarian party) appealing to true fiscal conservatives. Remove the social programs, remove the pork, remove the taxes that pay for them. Less government spending, and act in the true sense of government which is to help society get along, not a way to harness some to pull others along.

ASMAN:

Let me just stop you right there. You are here to
say that the first thing you do as president is eliminate the IRS?


NOLAN:

No. I didn’t say that, David, what I said is we have
to reduce the size of the federal government and reduce spending and get rid of the IRS

SV: Of course it’s gradual, I think he should better outline his plans for cutting government spending and what he plans on cutting. Again, this is a winner with Republicans, but I don’t see a lot of Democrats swinging to the idea of voting out social programs.

ASMAN:

So you would eliminate the IRS?


NOLAN:

Eventually, yes, absolutely.

SV: This is a winner with everyone, and no other party ever talks about the IRS directly. The code words are always “cutting taxes” and “budget surplus” but he wants to completely abolish taxes, I’m in awe and surpised no one else jumps on this.

ASMAN:

You wouldn’t put the cart before the horse then? You would slowly lower the cost of government and then eventually get rid of it?


NOLAN:

As quickly as we could, yes. If you look at what happened when we had a Democrat in the White House and a Republican legislature, David, we were in gridlock. And the rate of growth for the federal government was 2.5 percent to 3 percent. Now the Republicans have the House, the Senate and the White House. The rate of growth is 7 to 10 percent and that doesn’t include defense. If you are an advocate of small government and you vote for George Bush, you are advocating big spending. You want to send them a message you can’t vote for John Kerry. But if you vote for me, one of two things will happen, either I will get the momentum to win or I will tip us back into gridlock.

SV: This is the most simple and concise explanation of why our government spending is through the roof that I have heard to date. He nods to the fact that he’s a spoiler for Republicans, but at the same time, it’s a spoiler that would benefit our fiscal outlook. This is the statement that will have Karl Rove shivvering. Nolan is obviously the choice for fiscal conservatives who are aghast at the spending that Bush has been doing.

ASMAN:

Well, you are absolutely right, the president’s spending has been indefensible in terms of his domestic spending, let alone from the 9/11 stuff that was thrown
in. But the big question is how you are going to do it? You have a lot of people in Congress who are going to fight you tooth and nail.


NOLAN:

Just think of me, David, as your designated driver in a room full of drunks. It requires leadership. It is something that is sadly lacking in Washington.

SV: This is the funniest quote from the whole interview. I mean, you can’t even tell if he’s being ironic, because there is a real history of drunks getting into office.

ASMAN:

And from whom – final question, we only have 10 seconds – from whom do you think you would draw your votes? If people do vote for you, are they going to be Democrats or Republicans?


NOLAN:

I suspect we are going to draw from both sides, probably more from Republicans, but that’s all right because we can tip them back into gridlock. For more information, they can go to GaryNolan.com.

SV: And with that “…more from Republicans,” Nolan surely has caught the eye of Rove. But can he draw enough attention to become a viable choice, especially in a year when the stakes are higher than in recent history? If he can get more interviews like this, it may be likely.

ASMAN:

All right, Gary Nolan, the Libertarian candidate.
Gary, good luck. Thanks for coming in. Appreciate it.

Of course I’m biased towords Nolan, I’m a Libertarian. But I think he’s done a great job of sketching his plan for sustained economic reform that America badly needs.

Next week I will be publishing an open letter to George Bush and one to John Kerry (and possibly one to Gary Nolan) regarding their stakes in the 2004 presidential election and leading America out of the abysmal state we’ve created in the past few years.

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You’re not Reading This

Reads web stats…

Checks watch…

Ahh, good. All the people who thought I was a bandwagon to be ridden for a while have left. Which leaves just you, sitting there reading this. Why is that? I really only have one or two good ideas a month anyways. Posting daily is a bit stressfull, especially when it’s supposed to transcend conventional blogging and become opinion mongering.

Now there I go again, spouting some inane jibberish that you probably don’t give a damn about. How about I pander with a link to a funny video clip? Or perhaps a clever website? Should I sell out and post daily with bullshit when I really have nothing to say?

Nah.

I think I’ll just listen to some music, smoke a little reefer and come back tomorrow with the weekend tunes.

….

No wait, I do have something to say. I have a terrible Spring cold (or is it allergies?) and my head has been stuffy, runny, itchy and all the things it says on the bottle. What bottle is that? Why it’s my trusty NyQuil that I’ve been chugging since eleven, I’ve gone through five bottles so far, I’m a little dizzy, but at least I can breathe.

Which reminds me… don’t ever try and “pop” your ears when driving. I did that today and had an insane headrush and my equilibrium totally went haywire. Luckily I’m good at driving drunk so this doesn’t apply to me, but I wanted to share it as a public service announcement.

Here’s another pseudo cartoon. I don’t know WTF to call these:

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Link Orgy goes Beep Beep Beep

Today is just a few posts about Internet stuff I found interesting. I had the follow-up to my “How News Travels on the Internet” halfway done in my browser when someone called me and I hit “refresh” instead of “new tab” in Opera. Then what came out of my mouth was: “beep beep beep beep”. It was a really good post too. I’ll recreate it for tomorrow I guess. That really sucks. Anyways, onward to some links.

Google has created a badass way to essentially search the Yellow pages and match them to the web. It’s called Google Local. Anyways, everyone I show it to pretty much thinks it’s a great way to find some ba-donk-a-donk in your area. I also tried the ego-search on my name, but for some reason there is a subtle suggestion that I see either a urologist, a plastic surgeon and a dentist. I don’t know if this means Google is trying to make some snarky jab at my penis size or not. [found via Daily Rotation]

Iraq on the Record is today’s buzz. It’s a database that “identifies 237 specific misleading statements about the threat posed by Iraq”. This is a prime example of bloggers making something popular, which will no doubt make it’s way to the large news outlets. Of course, I also think this is an excellent idea and resource, otherwise I wouldn’t be linking to it. [via blogdex]

Po-”tay”-to po-”tah”-to. “Superbloggers and the Future of Big Media” discusses how a blogs will start to branch into the news-making side as they become more specialized resources. I think he’s hit it on the head with that assessment, but I also think those blogs will be extensions of news corps, so the flow of information may change, but it will still be coming from the same place. [via blogdex]

Strong Bad finally answers his 100th email. Those of you who tried to find it early got a special treat.

Another flash movie here, except it’s by the guys who did South Park. Apparently Shockwave.com wanted them to make a movie, except they really took off the gloves (and pants). It’s called Princess, and it is very not safe for work. Part 1 Part 2.

And for the stupid Bush trick of the day: Using actors to play reporters who approve of the new Medicare law.

Finally, the history of St. Patrick’s Day. I’m not wearing green, but I did eat some french freedom fries today.

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T4dW IV – Get Your Bukakke On

Note: this article contains dead links, the url is still in the hover/alt text. Keep the web working, curate content well!

gybo t4dw Welcome and hello again. As it is another Friday afternoon, it’s time to find a fresh writeable CD, crack open a beer and burn some fresh new music for the weekend. DJs and enthusiasts alike are encouraged to send music to t4dw at stephenvandyke dot com for my approval or mockery. The image to the right is completely unauthorized and there is no affiliate between stephenvandyke.com and GYBO other than the fact that I regurgitate the good stuff that is posted over there, much like taking a 3-hour long bukakke and editing it to 5-minutes of quality money shots. Onward to the bukakke…

On to this week’s list:

  • Let’s start off cheesy shall we? Some guy named schoenvonhinten figured the A-Team would battle with the Beastie Boys against the bad guys and there would be lots of explosions, with Mr. T saying: “I love it when a plan comes together” (3.4MB – 3:37). Download Sucka!
  • Go Home Productions thought he could keep his beautifully produced Madonna vs The Sex Pistols mashup-ology of Ray of Gob (3.0MB – 2:32) off the web, since he’s gotten the go ahead to sell it legit. We’ll see how long this stays up (thanks to Mr White Label).
  • DJ TiiM blew me away with this awesome mash of Armand Van Helden – Funk Phenomena VS Annie Lennox – Little Bird (6.0MB – 6:30)
  • Cropstar must have blown a hip-hop gasket when he booted Audio Bullys vs Jazzy Jeff to create Shake the Ego (5.0MB – 3:34).
  • Von Riddler wants you to clap your hands and shake your ass to N.E.R.D vs Missy Elliot – She Wants It Really Hot (4.9MB – 3:31).
  • Paul Your Leg was too dumb or lazy to set up his website properly, but you shouldn’t hold that against him because he managed to upload this fine mix of Run DMC vs James Brown called America’s Like That (6.3MB – 4:33). HUH! Get down, uh!
  • Nefarious is another one of those lazy DJs who can’t even put up a website. Maybe he is too busy creating great bootlegs like Crystal Method vs. Sean Paul called Prime Mover – Get Busy (6.8MB – 7:24).
  • And since no weekend is complete without a DJ set mix, here’s Xii with Nintendoclash (39.2MB – 42:46). Proper tracklisting can be found here, may feel a bit oldskool for some of you, but I liked it.

That’s it, there’s no more. I don’t want to see you come back here until Monday. I don’t post on the weekends OK?

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My Terrahsense is Tingling

Traffic is tapering off now, returning to some semblance of “normal” (even less views than Jayson Blair’s new novel). It’s been very exciting seeing my hypothesis work it’s own magic. But today, I’m not going to be talking about that. Because hell, this is my site and if I want to make you wait until Monday to see the full analysis, that’s my prerogative. Besides, tomorrow is T4dW, and I’m already behind since I haven’t downloaded squat from GYBO this week.

But for now, here’s the reason for the odd title of the post. Another one of my captions for recent news about the Spain Rail Blasts. My sadness is with Spain, but my tongue is wagging as usual:

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How Drugs Travel in the Hood

Let’s see… take popular infographic, turn it into a racial parody, repost. Is it fair for me to make fun of my own graphic? Meh, F$&k it, laugh.

how drugs travel in the hood infographic

On another tangent: I came across BugIn today (via Freshmeat). This screenshot is hilarious. *Note to self, do not outsource UI design to local 3rd grade class* Other than that, the software looks pretty decent and I must have had it on my watch list for a reason.

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How I’m Travelling on the Internet

stats snapshotFirst off, wow. 10K+ visits yesterday from 56 separate sources, and the ball is rolling faster today (#5 on Blogdex). I sorta put the cart before the horse in creating a chart without statistical proof, but apparently no one minded. The great thing is that I now have loads of data to back up my claims, but with new questions of course (is RSS an extension of a site, or a new entity?) and the ability to create a real example of propagation. It would be great if I knew Flash since it’s obviously a visual that would benefit from it.

Secondly, to clear up a few things that may have been misunderstood. Since this is still a case-study in news discussion I am still being enlightened by people smarter than me. One fine example is John Hiler’s May 2002 article: “Blogosphere: the emerging Media Ecosystem” (via Mehrzweckbeutel [German to English]). Then there are my initial observations, with context from being on the receiving side of things:
see more…

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How News Travels on the Internet

I read the Wired article Warning: Blogs Can Be Infectious, and thought it was informative. But it seemed to be lacking the big picture view of how the news travels. The Blog Epidemic Analyzer was also amusing and showed how attribution is underrated, but it too seemed sorely lacking cohesion, nor was it a very new topic. So I thought to myself: “Hey this isn’t all that complicated, I should make a visual diagram to illustrate this”. And this infographic was born.

Here’s how I see news travel, I think it’s a pretty self-explanatory graphic, plus I’m too lazy to do a proper write up. Infer as you wish, maybe I will become the “source” one of these days.

how news travels on the internet infographic

see more…

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Bush: He Speaks Awesome Spanish

Bush Parody AdOne day. One single, solitary fucking day! It’s just unbelievable how fast and talented people of the Internet are. On the afternoon of Wed the 3rd of March 2004, the reelection campaign for Bush released advance web notice, and videos of campaign ads. A little over 24 hours later on the 4th of March, Music for America releases a parody of the Bush ad, and the humor quality is through the fucking roof!

Here’s a direct link to the ad if you don’t know what to click or you are just completely lazy.

(link via blogdex.net)

UPDATE: Music for America seems to be down, but I was able to download the video when it was up. Here’s my local copy of it (8.72MB) [deprecated link]. Please do not directly link to the file or I will pull it, upload it to your own site/server and don’t rape my bandwidth.

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T4dW III – Kleptones-mania

Kleptones - Yoshimi Battles The Hip-Hop RobotsThis weekend’s tunes are a little more mellow, but you’ll have to forgive me for saying that the Kleptones have created a masterpiece of hip-hop smoothness with their mix-tape called “Yoshimi Battles The Hip-Hop Robots” . It’s hip-hop set to the beats of the Flaming Lips (Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots), the result is very interesting and beautifully done. In their own words: “This is not Art – This is a mixtape.” in my words, superb, and between you and me, I do consider it art. Supposedly, this is a secret, as in “secret spring collection”, this is certainly to be the buzz amongst DJs and bloggers alike, if it make the right kind of ripples in the blogosphere. Hopefully the RIAA folks won’t get their panties in a bunch like they did over the DJ DangerMouse album.

First, a proper track listing:

  • 01 Fight In The Club
  • 02 Song Of The Hip-Hop Robots
  • 03 Sympathy For The Almighty
  • 04 Love Song For Yoshimi
  • 05 Battle Sequence
  • 06 My People Feel That Way In The Morning
  • 07 Chess Game At The Gates Of Hell
  • 08 Are You A Visionary?
  • 09 Breathe In The Summertime
  • 10 Have You Come To Realise
  • 11 All We Have Is Soul
  • 12 Last Words (A Tribute)

Download them all from the secret spring collection page. If you ignore the advice: “this page could disappear very soon – be quick”, you can download them this mirror (which could also be gone soon, who knows).

Props to xii for the album cover, originally posted here (scroll to the bottom).

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